


Strictly Professional

by icecreamscoups



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Actor AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Internalized Homophobia, Jicheol if you squint, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance, SemiAU, Updates every weekend, chapters are twed, everyone is a cheol simp, everyone wants someone they can't have, lots of fake relationship trope, self discovery, self hatred, seungcheol is the softest, side soonhoon, slight homophobia, slowburn, tws each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamscoups/pseuds/icecreamscoups
Summary: Seungcheol and Jeonghan are chosen as actors in a new drama. But what happens when they find out their characters are lovers? After all Seungcheol has tried to erase his feelings for Jeonghan, can he still get through 16 episodes without being discovered?
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 43
Kudos: 162





	1. The Audition

As had been the case for most of the Seventeen boys, Seungcheol had never been to a proper casting. Not before he walked through those doors, at least. Rap auditions, sure, but never a real drama like this. The show hadn’t even began filming yet, and somehow everyone was buzzing about just how amazing this adaptation of famous webtoon ‘Destiny of the Heart’ would be. And somehow, some way, Seungcheol and a few other pledis boys had made it to the big audition.

Their company had never been one to pull such big moves for them, but he wouldn’t dwell on it now. No, for now all he could feel was gratefulness and a pang of anxiety about the new opportunity presented to him.

“Here.”

If the noise alone hadn’t startled Seungcheol out of his daze, bottle of water hurled onto his lap certainly had.

“Drink this, it’ll calm your nerves,” Jeonghan continued, before once more finding his seat next to the slightly older man. Call it emotional intelligence or just the nearly telepathic bond between the two friends of many years, but Jeonghan always had an uncanny way of noticing when the leader’s anxiety was oncoming. Perhaps that’s why Seungcheol always had a soft spot for the smaller male, gravitating to him when times got tough.

“Thanks,” The older spoke simply, his voice trailing as he felt his worries bubbling up inside his chest. “Say…you’ve been to quite a few of these by now, right? Any pointers?” Jeonghan had always wanted to be an actor, that much Seungcheol knew for certain. Not only that, but he was damn good at it, a natural just like Seokmin and Junhui were. And so for Seungcheol to be picked in lieu of them for this audition…it was a welcome surprise, but one that completely tore him from his comfort zone.

The question made his friend pause for a moment, lightly tapping his lower lip with an index finger as he searched his brain for a proper answer. “First off, you need to relax those shoulders,” He half-teased, noting the tenseness radiating from the leader’s body. “Next, get into character. Think like a leading man, like _Jaewon_. Aim high.”

Jaewon? The leading man in destiny of the heart? The thought almost made Seungcheol laugh. “I thought that role had been all but given to Astro’s Cha Eunwoo already, Hannie.” They had _real_ actors here. He’d be lucky to get a role as an extra, much less the main love interest. A character like Jaewon who was so cunning and strong, brooding but sensitive…could he even try?

“And what’s the harm in giving him a little healthy competition?” The other gave him a cheeky wink, soft chuckle following after. Jeonghan knew just how dashing he was, doing things that gave a light fluttering the older’s heart. _He_ was lead actor material, Cha Eunwoo be damned. Jeonghan was manly, beautiful, striking…anyone going up against him would pale in comparison. At least in the mind of the ever-so-whipped leader.

Just as he was about to respond to such antics, all eyes fell to the door in front of them, the knob turning almost tauntingly slow. “Choi Seungcheol,” A voice called from behind, making his heart drop. First certainly couldn’t be a good sign, right?

With a final sigh of water and some gently words of good luck from the other pledis boys he finally stood up, the length of the short hallway suddenly feeling like an eternity to walk before making his way to the end of it. “Hi-yes. Um, yeah, that’s me.”

_Super suave, just like Jaewon,_ he criticized in his head, sparing another glance to the packed room of Jaewon hopefuls. Could he really beat out such competition on his first audition?

Seungcheol followed the assistant down the hall and to the left before they came to the audition room, complete with blinding lights that nearly obscured the figures on the other side of the room. There appeared to be three of them at the table, all taking notes from the very second he walked through the door.

“Name and part?”

No pleasantries were exchanged before such words, only making Seungcheol feel even more on edge than before. “Choi Seungc-cheol, I’ll be reading for Im Jaewon.” The leader tried not to dwell on the certainty that they’d caught his mid-sentence stuttering, instead making sure he looked as good as possible for the camera before him.

“Whenever you’re ready, then.”

Seungcheol took a deep breath and glanced down at his pages. The words were practically engraved on his temple by now, and yet the pressure put on him seemed to erase them all.

_Focus, Cheol, focus,_ he chided himself, taking a few more shaky breaths before holding the pages by his side.

“I remember when I first fell in love with you. Do you know? That first day, you treated a cut on my finger like it was a bullet wound. Your gentle care, a tenderness nobody had ever given me…these days, humans are a curse without compassion. I wondered what star you came from, and yet I didn’t care.

I vowed to protect you from that day, Yuna. You, who can still see the world as good. You, who can change the world with your positivity. I love you.”

For a man who had never been in love, he wondered if the insincerity was at all palpable on the other side of stage lights, all while breathing a sigh of relief. No matter what happened from now, it was at least over. He came, auditioned without falter, and somehow hadn’t passed out from his nervousness just yet.

A female voice chimed in from the back of the room once the scribbling on paper ceased. “Do you think you could you try again with a bit more…intensity?” With confusion visible on his face, she continued. “Jaewon is a man hardened by a traumatic upbringing, and this is his first time being vulnerable. He’s brooding, calloused, it shouldn’t be easy for him to speak such words.”

“Oh…sure.” Dark and brooding never quite applied to Seungcheol, a man deemed more golden retriever than human by his member. So to say that he was a bit lost by such words was certainly an understatement. But regardless, he had a chance at redemption, and like hell he was going to waste it. With another quick build-up and less nerves than before, he somehow managed to get through the scene once more.

But this time, there’s no writing on notepads. There’s a quiet murmur in the back the Seungcheol can’t quite make out, and clacking of heels until the woman from the back steps in front of the lights. “Try this monologue for us, will you dear?”

Perhaps on a normal day, he could take a surprise like this well. But when his heart was already threatening to pound out of his chest, he wasn’t sure if he could take being in front of the camera much longer. “Im…Jaehyun?” The name on page caused him to pause as he read over the monologue. He’d only had a vague familiarity with the webtoon, but the name did ring a bell.

“Jaewon’s brother,” The women explains, just in time for the leader to connect the dots in his head. Not a small part in the slightest, and yet they wanted him to read for it? “He’s chipper, gentle, sweet…the opposite of his brother despite their shared hardships. Give us a read once you’re ready, of course.”

“Sure,” He spoke, trying not to sound as excited as he was despite his voice clearly not getting the memo. Someone like this, it fit him almost too perfectly, making him bounce on his heels in excitement. No, he was no brooding main man with a dark past, he was someone made to warm the heart of an audience. And so his words finally flowed off the page much brighter this time, giving him a bit of hope despite the complete lack of eye contact with the staff in front of him.

“How was that?” Seungcheol asked candidly, only hoping the words didn’t reek of desperation.

The others exchanged eye contact before offering smiles, with the one in center chiming in. “We’ll be in touch, Mr. Choi.”

* * *

“We’ll be in touch? What a non answer!” Seungkwan huffed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “They’ve gotta give you something better than that!”

Seungcheol had to stifle a soft laugh at the other’s uproar. “I wish I had more to tell you guys, but that’s really it. I have no idea how I did… it all just felt like a blur.”

“Still did better than me,” Jeonghan admitted, hand running through his short locks. “They didn’t even let me read for Jaewon, you know. Something about not having ‘the look’ they were going for, can you believe it? I _only_ got to read for secondaries.”

“Oh yes, what a tragic happenstance,” Jun teased, a bit of annoyance showing on his face. “I can’t believe they didn’t even _ask_ if Seokmin or I wanted to audition. I would’ve been a super cool Jaewon. And Seokmin’s obsessed with Destiny of the Heart!”

Jihoon cleared his throat before chiming in. “In any case, there’s nothing to be done now about it, right? Whatever happens, we’ll find out soon enough.”

“Logical as always, Ji,” Seungcheol teased, letting his head lean against the smaller’s shoulder. “It’ll just be stressful if we dwell on it after such an exhausting day. Hell, I thought I was gonna pass out the moment I got out of there.”

“Rest now then, yeah? I’ll tell you when we’re home.” There was alwaysgentle adoration in the way Jihoon looked down at the tired leader, a small hand lightly raking through his hair. “You worked hard as always, and you’re bound to be a great Jaewon.”

“I’m rooting for you too, Cheol,” Jeonghan chimed in. “I mean, if I didn’t get Jaewon, you’re definitely the one who deserves it. From what I heard passing your room, your monologues seemed great.”

“You heard that?”

“We all have,” Jihoon chimed in, a teasing grin on his face. “But don’t worry about all that, mr. tall-dark-and-handsome. You’re going to be amazing.”

“Like Seok was,” Seungkwan added, flashing his friend a grin.

Seokmin waived a hand in front of him feigning shyness. “Ah, you guys are so embarrassing,” He chuckled, the happy sound slowly growing more distant as Jihoon’s gentle touches and the bouncing of the van lulled Seungcheol into sleep. 


	2. Method Acting

“Come on Cheolie, you’ve been checking that phone of yours every 10 seconds,” Jihoon teased, lightly nudging the leader’s side. For their last few performances, his head was completely in the clouds, hyper focused on the possibility of a new drama career.

“Maybe it’s a bit hopeless, huh? Going on four days and not a single call…” Despite how much he tried to hide it, the leader was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve. And right now, it was clear to everyone just how much he wanted this. It was the first time he’d ever been so close to a goal like this, and he could almost reach out and grab it.

That is, until Junhui looked up from his phone with a face that read disaster. “Oh…have you seen Naver recently?”

“Naver? What does it say?” Seungcheol was all too quick to scurry to the other boy’s side, hovering over his shoulder to read what was on the phone screen. “Cha Eunwoo and Park Sooyoung confirmed for ‘Destiny of the Heart’ adaptation,” He read aloud, a disheartened sigh spilling past his lips. They’d seemingly already picked the cast, and he wasn’t part of it. Was this whole acting thing just another foolish dream that would never come true?

“I suppose I knew I wasn’t a great Jaewon anyway.”

“I’m sorry, Cheol…” Junhui added quietly, the tenseness in the air palpable as he tried to reassure the leader. “It just wasn’t meant to be, that doesn’t mean you have to give up.”

Seungcheol shook his head. “I should just leave the acting stuff to you guys, it’s fine. I’m just not cut out for it the way you and Seokmin are.”

It was then he felt a light pat on his back from Jeonghan, a gentle reassurance from the one he held dear. And while it didn’t erase his sadness, being with the people he loved certainly soothed his tired mind.

“What do you say we go and get some food to take our minds off it, yeah? Mingyu’s treat,” Jeonghan offered, quick to tease the younger boy.

The whole room sans Mingyu seemed to laugh at such a joke, breaking the stressful atmosphere made by the news. “Pork belly seems nice,” Mingyu played along, gesturing to the door. “I suppose it can be my treat, just the once.”

However, their plan was short lived as the dressing room door was suddenly blocked by their manager. “Change of plans, boys,” He started, leaning against the door frame with a demeanor far too cheery. “We’ve got no time for condolence meals today.”

The once lively room instantly began to deflate, resigned to whatever new schedule they had so late in the night. “Come on, man-“ Soonyoung started, only to be cut off by their manager once more.

“No condolence meals, because I’m treating you to a celebration meal instead.” At the confusion in the room, his knowing grin only seemed to grow wider. “I hope you guys know that you’re standing in front of the new faces for Jaehyun and Kyungjoon in ‘Destiny of the Heart’!”

Seungcheol’s eyes went wide as he turned to face Jeonghan. “Wait, both of us got parts?” He questioned, reanimated despite their hard day of work. “No way, you’re messing with us right?”

“Just got the call,” He confirmed with a point to his phone, the group of boys erupting with excitement. Some for the newfound actors, and others simply from the prospect of free food on their manager’s dime. “Don’t keep them waiting, yeah? Let’s go get these starlets something to eat.”

* * *

As everyone else stuffed their faces full of food, Seungcheol still seemed to be in another world. Choi Seungcheol, the actor. It almost didn’t feel right. He’d never thought about being an actor like some of the other boys, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. What kind of person was Jaehyun? What were his likes, his goals, his loves? In this state, he could see why people became addicted to the escapism of playing another.

“Someone’s excited, huh?” Jeonghan’s cheery voice made Seungcheol turn his head as the younger fed him a piece of meat. “I told you that you were going to do amazing, Cheol. And getting a role as big as the main character’s brother as your very first? I hope you know how huge that is.”

Seungcheol let out a soft hum in acknowledgement before finishing his bite. “I could say they same about you, _Kyungjoon_. It’s a pretty big role too, right?”

“Yuna’s very best friend,” He added with a smile. “Wait, that means I must get a bunch of scenes with Joy, huh?” As the lightbulb went off in his head, he only brightened more. “She’s so cute…working with her so close is going to be so unreal…hell, maybe I’ll even have a girlfriend by the end of this whole thing.”

“You wish,” Hansol added with a laugh, shaking his head at such a hopeless thought. “Besides, with your role I’m not so sure you’ll be seen like that.”

The vocalist put a hand to his forehead in fake outrage. “Please, I can be a side character in the drama, but I’ve still got my charms!”

“Have you read the manhwa then too, Vernon?” Seokmin asked, the two sharing a glance far too mischievous for Jeonghan’s liking.

“Why are you acting like that? Is my guy lame or creepy or something?”

“Not _lame_ , per se,” He added cryptically, far more concerned with grilling their meat than explaining the plot.

Jeonghan let out a soft huff of annoyance. “Come on nonie, you can’t just leave me hanging like that! Does he treat her bad? Is he a secondary love interest?”

Hansol tried his hardest not to laugh at how bothered the other was getting, glad to be on the other side of such teasing for once. And he thought about holding on a bit longer until Wonwoo spoke up.

“He’s gay,” He said simply, shrugging his shoulders as he looked up from his bowl. “I can’t believe you didn’t know before reading for him.”

Seungcheol looked over this friend just in time to see him go red, as if he’d heard the most scandalous thing in the world. Was it such a horrible thought, he wondered, a brow raising as he looked at his friend’s panic.

“Gay? No way, I totally can’t play a gay man, that’s just not me. And my image-“

“Relax, Hannie, it’s good acting practice,” Seungcheol added, trying to reassure the other. “it’s not such a bad thing to be gay, is it?”

“Good thing you think that way, Cheol,” Hansol managed between bites of food. “Since Jaehyun is too.”

“Oh.” Words fail the oldest as he tries to find something to say. To the average outsider, he’d always been a friend and ally to the gay community, telling others not to shy from their identity. But on the inside…well, wasn’t he always the one shying away from his identity himself? He was out to his parents and brother, but to his fans and almost all of the seventeen members, such a thing was highly guarded. It wasn’t meant to be, but being shut down by his former manager had done a number to his confidence. Would his members be repulsed by him? Would his fans? And now that he was playing a gay character, would people be able to see right through him?

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Right? It’s completely unnatural. I don’t want people thinking that way about me, or I’ll never get a girlfriend.” Such words from Jeonghan made Seungcheol wince ever so slightly, hoping it wouldn’t be noticeable. He knew Jeonghan wasn’t like him, but hearing it in such words was still just like a jab in the heart.

“Cheol…” Jihoon started, hand instinctively going over his friend’s own. Seungcheol eagerly took the other’s hand for comfort, giving it a light squeeze. Jihoon had always been his comfort on this topic, even back in the trainee days. If memory served correctly, they were still planning to debut in tempest when his manager found out his sexuality, making a mockery of it and threatening Cheol getting kicked out of the group unless he kept such a thing to himself. It was Jihoon who he poured his heart out to, telling him what had happened with the manager and begging for his discretion as he tried to rebrand his identity long before meeting the others.

And he’d done it successfully, for the most part. Swearing off dating, feigning interest in women, building up barriers between him and the men he knew. He remembered just how interested he was in Minki back then, how much he tried to get the other to notice him, to see him as more than just a friend. He wondered if Minki was surprised on the day he stopped cold turkey, refusing to so much talk to him one-on-one. Part of him even wondered if that was the beginning of the end for Tempest, the suddenly disjointed group and easily angered manager just too much for the company to handle.

But Seventeen…that was his chance at redemption. His chance to be a suave, masculine, and woman-attracting member of their band. And maybe his rebranding would have gone well, if Jeonghan wasn’t around. With Jeonghan, it seemed like every fan could see him for what he was.

_‘Seungcheol’s definitely into him’_

_‘I wonder if Jeonghan knows that he’s Seungcheol’s weak spot.’_

_‘Cheol’s such a puppy dog in front of his little crush’_

Such words hit him in an indescribable way. All that time he thought he’d been so careful not dating, not showing interest. And yet these fans could see right through him, knowing his deepest wants and hidden thoughts.

And above all of those wants was Yoon Jeonghan.

Jeonghan, who was so effortlessly beautiful and lit up a room with his playful behavior. Who sang like an angel and was handsy as a devil. And was so painfully straight despite all of it that it drove Seungcheol mad.

He was the first to try and put some distance between them, latching on to other members instead, but it always stayed the same. He knew what he wanted, and it was such a blessing and a curse that it was his member.

“Come on guys, give it a chance for me,” The manager pleaded, taking one of each actor’s hands. “You two are perfect for these roles, okay? And girls are just going to eat it up! You might find yourselves with some more fans, you know.”

“It’s not even all that different, considering how touchy you two already are with each other,” Hansol teased with a light nudge. “Just go for it.”

“Touchy?” Seungcheol questioned with a cock of his head. “So in the manhwa, Jaehyun and Kyungjoon are…?”

“…lovers.” Jeonghan finished, the words seeming to make his skin crawl. “Come on, hyung, you realize how absurd it is to make Seungcheol and I act like that.”

“I think it’d be cool,” Soonyoung chimed in with a hum. “Break down some barriers, show support for gay fans, gain some female fans…what’s not to like about it?”

“It’s humiliating, Hosh. You’re just saying that because you’re not the one having to touch up on another man.”

“Oh, I’d gladly touch up on the right man, Han. You’re the one who’s the wet blanket.”

The table continued to share laughs and taunting, but Seungcheol only seemed to sink further into his seat. He didn’t want to have to make such a hard choice on his own. He wanted to disappear. But could he turn down such an amazing role? Moreso, could he turn down Jeonghan all over him, playing his love? All he could think about was the rumors that would be sure to fly about by both well meaning and malicious fans.

“Just think about it, guys,” Their manager pleaded. “That’s all I’m asking. Give it a day.”

But Seungcheol didn’t need any convincing about careers and fame. For once, he was just going to go for what he truly wanted. “I’d like to do it,” He said finally, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think it could be fun, learning how to act. But if you don’t want to, Han, you don’t have to be my partner.”

Jeonghan pursed his lips, eyes shifting between Seungcheol and the manager for a moment as he tried to come to a conclusion. “Well, if somebody had to be my fake boyfriend…I suppose my best case scenario _is_ you, Cheol.” His lips slowly began to curve into a taunting grin before letting out a soft laugh. “I’m not making you do this all on your own, so I’m in too.”

“Oh, budding romance,” Soonyoung cooed, “Just promise I get to be best man at your wedding, ‘kay?”

Jihoon rolled his eyes, flicking the other boy on his forehead. “Come on now, it’s all professional here for our future superstars.”

“Strictly professional,” Seungcheol repeated aloud, reminding himself more than anyone else. He couldn’t let himself falter at a time like this. Not if he was going to keep all his skeletons in the closet.


	3. Showtime

It had been a few days since that celebratory night, one which finally cemented some hard truths for Seungcheol. Sure, he finally got to try his hand at acting, but his character was in love with Jeonghan — well, _Kyungjoon_ , to be exact. It seemed like the persona of Jaehyun hit a little too close to home in many ways, making it a bit hard to keep up his façade in the public eye.

People wouldn’t think too much of it, _right_? At least, that’s what he needed to tell himself. He’d just be any other straight actor playing a gay character, and then he and Jeonghan would go right back to their normal lives. Back to being friends, nothing more.

Not that Jeonghan could ever see him as anything more in the first place.

“Hey, Seungcheol?” The words were accompanied by the turning of his doorknob as Jihoon peeked in, checking in on his friend. “Special delivery for you.” As he came in the smaller outstretched his hand, showing off a large stack of papers. “First six episodes. The manager wants you to get familiar with them before the table read.”

The leader could barely contain his excitement as he protectively took the papers, skimming through for the highlights of his character’s name. Pretty standard to start, he thought, noting all of the interactions with his ‘brother’ and very few with Jeonghan. At least that meant they could take some smaller steps into what would inevitably progress, he thought to himself, somehow both a relief and a disappointment.

“So, Cheol…” Jihoon started once more, trying to pry his friend’s eyes away from the screenplay. “Forgive me for prying, but…I just want to make sure that this is the right move for you.”

The words perked the older’s attention, forcing him to put down the pages on his desk nearby. “And what do you mean by that?” Was he once again being too obvious about his feelings? Had he been found out so easily before recording had even began?

“Playing this part…I don’t want it to be too much for you. People are going to speculate about you, assume things about you…and if you don’t refute them, they’ll only grow. Are you ready to publicly deny truths like that?”

Jihoon’s earnest made his stomach drop, unsure what to say as he already knew just how right the smaller was. He’d been weighing the options for days now, looking to make the right decision, but it was too late to back out now. He needed to do this, perhaps for his own sake.

“Seungcheol, you already know I support you above all,” Jihoon soothed, sitting down on the older’s bed. “I just don’t want you to have even more stress put on you.”

“I know, Ji. But I can handle it these days. Rumors mean nothing to me when I know myself.”

The younger rolled his eyes at such an edited answer. “You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a reporter, Cheol. I want to know where your head’s at.”

“Where my head’s at,” Seungcheol repeated, pursing his lips in thought. He didn’t dare say where his head was actually at, the thrill and fear of playing house with his crush pulling him in different directions. But he couldn’t reveal such a thing to Jihoon, regardless of how loving and accepting the other man was. “I don’t know if I’m ready for all that comes with this, but I want to do it. And besides…this script looks tame enough for now, right? I’ll have time to figure all this out.”

“So long as our company doesn’t give you a fake girlfriend to counter the rumors, then I’m happy,” Jihoon scoffed incredulously, rolling his eyes at the ludicrous ploys.

“Why, jealous?” He teased back, playful grin on his face.

What Seungcheol wasn’t expecting, though, was the rosy hue on his friend’s cheeks before he spoke. “I’d be a fool to be jealous of a girl hanging on your arm, I know better than that. I just know how much you’d hate a publicity stunt like that.”

“I suppose you do. You know me better than I know myself sometimes,” Seungcheol admitted, letting his hand rest on the other’s shoulder. “You’ve always been like that.”

“Perhaps I’ve always been watching over you, taking care of you while you take care of everyone else. Maybe I should be the leader after all.” There was a certain tinge of sadness in Jihoon admitting such words despite his playful attitude, but he chose to play it off with a smile.

“You’re as much of a leader as I am, Ji,” He promised.

“Cheol, I hope you know just how much I cherish y-“

Jihoon started, but a sudden knock at the door made him practically jump out of his skin.

“Hey, it’s Jeonghan! I was wondering if we should check out our lines together.” The door creaked its way open as Jeonghan gave a friendly smile to the two. “Oh, Jihoon, do you mind if I steal Seungcheol for a minute?”

_It’s been more than a minute that you’ve stolen him,_ he thinks, though he doesn’t dare say such a thing out loud. “Yeah, I was just heading out. Good luck with your roles, you two.”

“Thank you so much for dropping these off though, Ji,” Seungcheol added, watching the youngest head out of his room. “Did you read the script already? What’d you think?”

Jeonghan scrunched his nose, giving a nonchalant shrug. “I suppose holding your hand is already common, my clingy leaded-“ He playfully chided. “But all jokes aside…it could be worse, right?”

“Much worse,” He agreed, a small silence filling the room. Perhaps there was a part of him that was wanting more after all the buildup of a romantic relationship. “I wonder how far they’ll make us take it…I mean, there’s still ten more episodes, right?”

“Hopefully not too far… I mean, they already know that our sensibilities aren’t like that, so they wouldn’t push us to act indecently, right?”

Such words made the older scrunch his face. Was he really so undesirable to be seen like that to someone he adored? “I’m just excited to finally start filming next week. But for now…do you think we could rain check our reading? I kind of just want a quiet night.”

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed as he tried to understand his friend’s sudden reaction before just shrugging it off. It wasn’t too uncommon for Seungcheol to be quite sensitive, after all. “Of course, Cheol. You’ve been working so hard…get some rest for now.”

But Seungcheol already knew he wasn’t likely to get sleep any time soon.

* * *

In the week following, everything had blurred together. Interviews, performances, table reads…he wasn’t sure how he got through it all on top of the usually packed Seventeen schedule. But finally, it was here: he made it to their first recording day. The nerves and excitement combined together to make him feel like a proper mess, the time going by only seeming to make it worse as he waited for the other scenes to finish.

“Can’t wait for your part with Eunwoo, huh?” Jeonghan asked as he came to sit beside his friend, lightly nudging his ribcage. “You’re lucky to chat him up, but _I’m_ the one who got a scene with Joy tomorrow.”

“What a showoff,” Seungcheol teased, nudging him right back. “I just hope he doesn’t notice how new I am to acting. I don’t want to look like a fool in front of such a professional.” And such a handsome one too, he added in his head, sure that Jeonghan wouldn’t be one to agree on such a thing. He vaguely remembered meeting a few of the astro members, some of whom were friends with some of his members and others who they passed by at shows. And Eunwoo, well…he was just someone who demanded attention, someone who was born to be an idol.

“Am I getting replaced as your boyfriend by Eunwoo already?” The sarcasm was palpable, and yet it still managed to make the leader flustered. “You’ll do great. Just don’t forget about your scenes with me and practice up, Cheollie.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he promised, looking away from the other to hide how flustered he was. Such words were nothing to the other boy, he knew that already. And yet, all this sudden one on one time with each other had seemingly tricked his brain to be even more enamored with Jeonghan. Like this-whatever they had going on- would be possible one day, despite knowing Jeonghan’s heart all too well.

Seungcheol stumbled over some kind of response before he saw their head actor walking towards him, all too happy for the chance to escape their situation. “Oh, if it isn’t your replacement now.”

“As if,” Jeonghan scoffed, waiving the other boy off to meet the older actor. “Go, do your scenes. I’ll be here rooting for you.”

With a blush on his cheeks Seungcheol obeyed, walking up to the more experienced actor and dipping his head to bow. “Hi, uh, it’s been a while since we’ve properly met. I’m-.”

“Seungcheol, right? I don’t forget a handsome face…you still remember me, right?”

Seungcheol let out a breathy laugh, shyly rubbing the back of his head. “Oh, of course I know you, Eunwoo. You’re a total triple threat…hopefully I can be soon too, hm?”

Eunwoo stifled a chuckle behind his hand. “Just as precious as I remember you being back then. No wonder they chose you as Jaehyun, he suits you.”

“Precious? I don’t think I’ve heard that one.” But of course, he wouldn’t be one to turn down a compliment from the boy who left him admittedly starstruck despite being his junior. “I’m really excited to work with you. Treat me well, okay? I’m still new at all this.”

“In that case, I’ll just have to take you under my wing. Any questions you have, come to me. I won’t let you down.”

* * *

“And then he said that I would be under his wing, and he brought me coffee from the concessions… Jeonghan, he’s totally cool in real life. What do I even do…”

“Cheol, you’ve been telling me about your little crush for an hour now,” Jeonghan teased, rolling his eyes for effect. “I didn’t know you were such a fan.”

“He’s just super nice, Han…did I mention that he’s a fan of seventeen too?”

“Once or twice. Or a hundred times. Come on Cheol, you’re being such a high school girl about this. We meet famous guys all the time.”

Seungcheol shyly twiddled his thumbs, growing a bit embarrassed at such a comparison. Was it such a bad thing that another celebrity like that noticed him? Wanted to mentor him in acting? It felt amazing, and was definitely a huge reason that he was able to quickly blow through so many of his scenes with confidence today. And next session would only get better, with the new manuscripts getting released and finding out just how close he got to be to his on-screen lover.

“Sorry, Jeonghan. I’m just excited about this whole acting thing. It’s all so new to me.”

“You’ll still be excited when we become lovers?” Jeonghan asked with a cocked brow. “You sure take these things much more in stride than I do.”

The older bit his lip as he tried to think of an answer that wasn’t too eager. Hell, he’d only love acting more when he was Jeonghan’s fake lover. “I don’t think it’s all too bad. We get to spend time together, gain publicity, all over some hand holding and cheesy words.”

“Let’s hope that’s all it is.”

_Let’s hope it’s not,_ Seungcheol thought to himself.


	4. Actor's Transference

Despite the first few episodes of the new drama having only a few moments of Seungcheol and Jeonghan, the leader couldn’t help but be optimistic about how things were going. He had a new mentor, new fans, and best of all, more one on one time with Jeonghan then he’d possibly ever had. He was on cloud nine, and nothing could harsh how good he was feeling.

Well, nothing except for the very angry Jeonghan barging into his room. “Seungcheol, we _have_ to talk. This is not a damn drill.”

“What’s wrong?” The leader tried to be nonchalant, yet his voice broke as if to betray him. Had Jeonghan finally found out his secret? Was he out of the drama — or worse, the band?

Jeonghan threw the new screenplay episodes down on the older’s desk, frantically flipping the pages until he got to the correct part. “Read that, Cheol. End of episode eight.”

Seungcheol’s brows furrow as he leaned over the desk, trying to make out the small text on the page. But when he realized what it was, his heart did somersaults. What he’d been both waiting for and somehow dreading effortlessly played on the page. “A confession scene,” he said aloud as if to confirm this new reality, hand brushing over the paper.

“Worse,” Jeonghan grumbled, leading the other’s index finger down to the bottom of the page. “See that? A kiss scene.”

A kiss scene? Nobody had mentioned anything about that. A bit of skinship and implied interest, sure, but never something as bold as this. What would people even think, watching the two members kiss in front of a camera? He knew he should be excited, kissing his crush for the first time. But like this, it all just felt off. How was he supposed to kiss the one he’d wanted for so long while knowing Jeonghan didn’t want his affections?

“Oh.” Seungcheol spoke finally, at a loss for how to reply. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I can’t believe they would trick us in to something like this now that we can’t back out.”

The disgust on Jeonghan’s face was a stark reminder of who they were. This wasn’t some beautiful romance that could blossom from the onstage equivalent. They were fundamentally different, no matter how hard that was for the leader to wrap his head around. There was never to be any reciprocation outside of the drama’s obligations. “We can find a way around it,” Seungcheol reassured, “How about we don’t practice together today, and instead talk to our manager to get this all settled.”

“Just forget it,” The younger huffed, sitting on the desk. “We can run lines, let’s just stop at…. /that/ part, please?”

Seungcheol simply nodded to avoid any more awkwardness, backing up to the very beginning of their scenes in episode seven. Things were pretty tame in the part just prior, if not a bit shortened to make time for the main cast. Some flirtatious implications, some talk of not wanting to feel how strongly they felt for each other, and more than enough wistful gazes. They were scenes that were fairly easy for the two boys to get through without any awkward hesitations or uneasy air about them. That was, until they reached that fated episode eight scene.

“Enter Kyungjoon and Jaehyun,” Seungcheol read the stage notes emotionlessly, as if trying not to give away his true feelings. “After a montage of the two on their ‘date’, the two re seen outside the restaurant walking home. Jaehyun remains still oblivious about Kyungjoon’s true reasons for taking him out.”

“Thanks for coming with me, Jaehyun,” Jeonghan started, clearing his throat before properly getting into character. “Eating alone isn’t much my style. Seems to happen often now that Yuna’s run off with that brother of yours.”

“Are you saying you miss her as your eating partner, or…?”

“What are you implying?”

“Two best friends for so long…it’s hard to imagine you never had any feelings for that sunbae of yours. Suppose a boy doesn’t quite fill her shoes the way you’re wanting…but I’m still happy. I like it here with you.”

The two’s eyes met, and it’s hard for Seungcheol not to be flustered. Jeonghan was one damn good actor, and it just melted his heart in all the right ways.

“That’s what you think? That you’re a replacement for a girl I like?” The next words gave Jeonghan a moment of pause, yet he still managed to get them out cleanly. “For the record, you’re far more my type than Yuna is.”

“Jaehyun pauses in astonishment before figuring a reply,” Seungcheol read before looking up at the other boy once more. “You…you like men?”

“I like you,” Kyungjoon countered on the page. “I don’t know what I like, but I know it’s you. I like how naïvely trusting you are of the world around you, your positivity, your smile…I don’t know why, I just…like you.”

Words Seungcheol had waited a lifetime to hear from Jeonghan came out so effortlessly, a tinge of sadness at the thought that they’d never have the right meaning behind them. This was strictly acting…and yet, the leader still felt like he was melting at such a saccharine confession from the boy in front of him.

Ignoring the sound of his racing heart, the leader managed to continue. “I like you, too.”

Seungcheol looked down to read the stage directions and hides frazzled countenance, not able to even say the next stage directions out loud.

_No other words were needed by Jaehyun to make Kyungjoon clearly flustered. Kyungjoon takes a step closer to Jaehyun, faces nearly touching._

“Say it again,” Jeonghan speaks, glossing over the stage directions.

His eyes bore holes in Seungcheol’s soul as they met, not able to slow down his heart before saying such words he’d choked back so many times in front of his friend. “I like you, Kyungjoon. More than I should.”

_Kyungjoon moves closer, and Jaehyun initiates a soft kiss to his lips._

Seungcheol wonders if they should simply end their scene there, but when he looked up he could already see Jeonghan leaning closer. Wasn’t he the one that wanted to skip the kiss? Panic set in as he didn’t stop the younger, instead moving his face centimeters closer.

And then, a pause that seemed to go on for hours despite only being seconds. He wondered what was wrong before it finally hit him: ‘Jaehyun’ was supposed to make the first move. Jeonghan lay waiting there for him, eyes closed and lips parted as if tempting the leader to kiss him once and for all.

Seungcheol mustered all of his courage as he moved closer, experimentally letting their lips brush together in just the faintest of touches. He could feel Jeonghan’s hot breath on his lips as his breathing quickened, neither of them daring to push things any further before Jeonghan jolted backwards.

Were they supposed to continue on with their script, Seungcheol wondered, finding himself unable to meet his friend’s eyes, much less speak on the issue. Was kissing him so horrible that Jeonghan simply couldn’t handle it? Should he have ended their scene as intended?

“I suppose that’s a good enough try for now,” Jeonghan concluded, clearing his voice shyly to add noise back to the pin quiet room. “I don’t know if I’ll be ready to try that for real any time soon.”

“Right,” Seungcheol agreed, eyes staying glued to the papers before him. “You worked hard. Let’s just break for now.”

The younger didn’t need to be told twice, patting his leader’s back awkwardly before excusing himself out of the room.

It was only then that Seungcheol realized what must have been so clear to his friends on the outside of the drama: what he was doing was directly jeopardizing his friendship with Jeonghan. These gentle touches, the faintest kiss that still almost brought him to his knees…if he kept this up, he’d never be able to turn things back to how they were. He couldn’t stand by Jeonghan’s side as a friend after knowing his touch as a lover, no matter how disingenuous it was.

* * *

Filming had seemingly gone fine, even after that infamously awkward night.

Perhaps because both boys simply refused to talk about the barely-there kiss that left them both red and stammering.

But Seungcheol couldn’t think about that anymore: he had to focus on his role and not his feelings or he’d simply be driven mad. If he let himself fall any harder for Jeonghan during all of this, he’d only be jeopardizing their friendship and the integrity of their band.

“Hey, Seungcheol?” The call of his name made the leader’s head cock up, lips curving into a smile as he saw the younger actor vying for his attention.

“Eunwoo, I didn’t know you were filming today too.” His eyes formed into happy crescents as the actor took a spot beside him, trying to clear his mind of negativity to be friendly to his senior. Eunwoo was a welcome distraction, one that took him out of his world that seemingly revolved around his bandmate.

“Oh, I’m not filming today,” Eunwoo admitted with a nonchalant shrug. “But I heard your kiss scene was up today, so I wanted to stop by and give you some support. Having your first kiss on camera is always hard, and with a man… you’re much braver than I, Seungcheol.”

Such high praise from the actor made Seungcheol laugh shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s nerve-wracking, I can’t lie…at least it’s with someone I know, right? The thought of kissing a stranger…I don’t think I could do it.”

“You’re relieved to kiss a boy that barely notices you?” Eunwoo tapped his index finger against his lip as he eyed the older boy. “You’ve surprised me, Seungcheol. You don’t strike me as a man who chases the unattainable…not when you could so easily have anyone you want.”

“Chasing?” Seungcheol’s eyes went wide as the other male read him like a book, exposing him bare with such indifference that it made his face go pale. Eunwoo was someone he wasn’t even sure he could consider a friend, and yet he already _knew_. He was too transparent, and he could feel his entire being cringe in fear. “H-hah…I-It’s not like that…it’ll still be awkward, certainly. But it’s all acting at the end of the day, isn’t it?”

The words seemed to put a smile on the other actor’s face, brightening up the atmosphere from before. “As long as you recognize that, then I suppose it’s all alright. Means the rest of us still have a shot, no?”

Seungcheol’s eyes went wide at such an implication, but Eunwoo was quick to brush it off, waiving his hand as if shooing off the playful thought. “In any case, Seungcheol, you’re gonna knock it out of the park. Don’t let me hold you up.”

After a bit of hyping himself up Seungcheol rose to his feet, giving his fellow actor a simple nod as they headed towards the scene. Everything was already set up, with Jeonghan ready and waiting in his place. “I can do this,” He said to himself, Mouthing a quick ‘thank you’ to Eunwoo for the motivation before taking his spot beside Jeonghan.

“Sorry I’m late,” He whispered to the younger as they settled beside each other.

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with.” The coldness in Jeonghan’s voice was perhaps more shocking than he thought it would be after contrasting Eunwoo’s gentle flirtations. He must have been even more bothered by that kiss than Seungcheol had originally thought.

But in any case, it would all be over soon.

“Let’s start from the top of this scene,” The director instructed. “You’re young and foolish, scared of falling in love but it happens anyways…this scene is magical and romantic, so keep that energy up and let’s start, yeah?”

The two boys gave a nod as they composed themselves, getting into character. Two lovers who just want to be close to each other. Two people trying to share their real hearts with each other in spite of any taboos surrounding them.

_And, action._

“Thanks for coming with me, Jaehyun.” Jeonghan starts the scene as the cameras followed them, seeing them walking along the dimly lit street. Their hands lightly drifted against each other, taunting each other and watchers with the possibility of holding hands. This was what felt like, Seungcheol thought, to be unbothered and in love. It all felt so simple despite being so meticulously produced. Perhaps that was all just because Jeonghan was playing his opposite, that things felt so easy to blur together.

He didn’t have to feign the nervousness of being in love. He didn’t have to falsify the lump in his throat or the butterflies in his stomach. He didn’t have to pretend to be a closeted man slowly falling for the one by his side.

The words came out easily, emotionally, and without hesitation, because there was no acting needed.

And Jeonghan, well, Seungcheol supposed Jeonghan was perhaps just an astounding actor. He was so disgusted by men like Seungcheol, so put off by the idea of being sought after by a man…and yet every flustered line and shy smile made those thoughts disappear. It felt so real, too real, and he could just drown in it.

“I like you,” The words flowed like honey each time he said them, sincerity so palpable that it made Seungcheol want to believe that this was Jeonghan and not Kyungjoon. “I don’t know what I like, but I know it’s you. I like how naïvely trusting you are of the world around you, your positivity, your smile…I don’t know why, I just…like you.”

That gorgeously bashful smile played on Jeonghan’s lips like a dare to kiss it away, and Seungcheol let himself indulge in his fantasy world for just a moment longer. “I like you, too.”

Was it Kyungjoon who was getting flustered hearing such a declaration repeatedly, or was it Jeonghan, Seungcheol wondered, watching the act in front of him. An act that nearly takes his breath away as Jeonghan leans in closer, feeling their bodies press up against each other in a way previous readings hadn’t prepared him for. “Say it again.”

Seungcheol’s breath hitched when he felt the other boy’s hot breath against his lips again, something vaguely familiar that left him craving for more. A more that was coming far too slowly for his taste. “I like you, Kyungjoon,” He spoke, his voice threatening to betray him and spill out a different name instead. “More than I should.”

He could feel the camera’s watchful lens on them as they faltered for just a split second, their shyness suddenly noticeable as they started leaning closer. Seungcheol’s eyes flutter closed a moment after Jeonghan’s own, feeling his body pressed up closer as his moment finally came. He only hoped Jeonghan couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating against the smaller’s chest.

“Cut!” The director called, and suddenly all the tension in the air dissipated at the reminder of how many people were there with them.

Perhaps all that tension was just a figment in the leader’s head, anyways.

“Amazing job you two, really believable,” He praised gently, “Now, move the cameras a bit to the side so we can’t see their lips and…perfect. Continue on as you were then, lean in close and we can start this fake kiss scene.”

“Fake?” Jeonghan finally speaks, as if he’d only just been able to catch his breath.

“You didn’t think I’d make you two do such a thing for real, did you?”

“I suppose that works out nicely,” Seungcheol breathed out, trying not to show visible disappointment. So they wouldn’t get another kiss after all, he thought to himself, still pressed up close to his on screen lover.

“And, action.”

Seungcheol let their noses gently brush against each other as they faked their kiss, holding each other close despite the sudden and palpable awkwardness that shattered their pretending. It was always fake, he reminded himself. No kiss was ever going to change that, anyways.

“Sorry I kissed you last time all for nothing,” Seungcheol half-teased, whispering softly so the staff wouldn’t pick up on it. “Now I feel properly dumb.”

Jeonghan cocked a brow, seemingly quite happy the camera was focused on the back of his head. “If I remember correctly, _I_ was the one to kiss you, Cheol. Sorry for putting you through that.”

The set went quiet as Seungcheol was suddenly at a loss for words. Nearly a week of thinking he’d scared his friend off with that impromptu kiss, only to find out that Jeonghan kissed him too. That Jeonghan wanted that kiss too, if only for his art. “O-oh,” He said simply, not willing to admit just how okay it was with him. How okay it was that Jeonghan wanted to kiss him, maybe just as much as he did. “Forget about it, Hannie.”

But they both knew well that request was the one thing they certainly couldn’t do.


	5. Backstage Pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter TW: homophobic language/hate speech

With half of the “Destiny of the Heart” episodes already in post-production and the first episode set to come out, it didn’t come as a surprise to Seungcheol and Jeonghan when they were invited to a pre-show press conference for the first time. And while Seungcheol had done about a million press conferences already in his life, doing it without his group still felt a little bizarre.

“Don’t worry, hyung, we’ll be right here watching,” Jihoon reassured from backstage, as if reading his mind. “Seungcheol, Jeonghan…I have no doubts about how amazing you’re going to do.”

“Make sure you represent us well, yeah?” Soonyoung hummed out, snaking an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder. “And mention Boo’s OST!”

Jeonghan stifled a laugh, playfully shooing the other boys away. “Come on, Cheol’s already stressed, don’t try and make him remember even more.”

“But if you can remember to plug my OST…” Seungkwan starts, giving Seungcheol a knowing smile. “Kidding.”

The leader playfully rolled his eyes, using both hands to ruffling Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s hair. “Get to your seats, yeah? Jeonghan and I have to go on.”

“Yessir,” Seokmin added, leading the boys out of the room so that the other two could get started.

“Don’t let them stress you out too much,” Jeonghan gentleness reassured him, reaching his hand out to lightly rest on the older’s own. Such a small gesture, yet one that left Seungcheol even more flustered than before.

_It’s the thought that counts,_ He supposed. And he was sure that Jeonghan’s thoughts were a pretty stark contrast to his own.

With hands still intertwined they waited for their queues, coming out with the sound of their names and polite applause. They walked past a few familiar faces in the cast before settling down in their assigned place, the flashing of cameras nearly blinding. Seungcheol could barely see the other members in the crowd but that was made up for by their cacophonous cheering, much louder than any and all broadcasters or reporters. It made his heart full the way they supported the nervous leader, relieving him from some of his nerves and even making him crack a smile. At least he always had twelve people rooting for him, he thought, giving Jeonghan’s hand a light squeeze before finally letting go and paying attention to their interviewers once the noise died down.

Perhaps a tad narcissistically, part of him was hoping for some nice questions thrown to Jeonghan and himself. Questions about Seventeen, their music, their friendship…maybe even Seungkwan’s OST he was so proud of. But unsurprisingly, they mostly went to Joy and Eunwoo. Asking about their chemistry, their acting inspirations, their characters, and hearing a million perfectly rehearsed responses from the two that only made the leader more self conscious about his own words. And just when he was feeling a bit lucky to be out of that lime light, one came to them.

“A question for Seungcheol and Jeonghan,” One reporter started. “You two have been friends and bandmates for years…how is it like to play lovers?”

Perhaps it was because he was expecting a few softball questions first, but the woman’s words put his stomach in knots. As if he could even get more nervous than he was before.

“It’s a completely different situation than anything we’re used to,” He started out with a light stammer, regaining himself as he continued. “But I think it was a bit easier for us because we’re so comfortable around each other already.”

“And same to Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan pursed his lips as he took a moment to properly think. “I…I’m not sure that playing a gay man could ever be comfortable, no matter who it was with.” He seemed to counter Seungcheol’s words easily, not noticing how sharp his words were. “Despite that, though, it’s always nice to have my best friend to run lines with. If it had to be with anyone, I’m glad it’s Seungcheol.”

Soon after the reporter took her seat, another followed up. “Many fans have said that you two already seem to have amazing off-screen chemistry. Why do you suppose that is?”

As Seungcheol thought, Jeonghan instead spoke up to answer. “People like to read into our relationship, I think. Seungcheol and I are very close, and that permeates into everything we do.”

Seungcheol tried to ignore the knot in his stomach as another reporter came up, not knowing how to take any more of these questions that suddenly seemed so pointed. “This question is for Cha Eunwoo. Who on the set would you say that you’re closest to?”

The leader breathed a sigh of relief as the questioning shifted, happy to let Eunwoo take a bit of the heat as he looked down the table. “Seungcheol and I have recently become friends and acting partners,” He started, eyes meeting the leader’s for the briefest of seconds. “We grew close because of the brotherly bond from our characters, but it’s matured even outside of that. I find him quite enamoring.”

Such flirtatious word choice made Seungcheol chuckle awkwardly into the mic, a bit nervous about how such words would be perceived by the excitable media. “Since this is my first acting debut, Eunwoo has certainly been a friend and mentor to me.”

Another question successfully handled, he thought to himself, confidence slowly building. “This question is for Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Since you play gay characters, I’m sure your fans would like to know how you feel about the LGBT community.”

Something Seungcheol certainly should have rehearsed, he thought to himself. He couldn’t deny such a community, but what should he say when he can’t properly come out and support it either? “In my opinion…there’s nothing abnormal about love in any form, with any genders. I hope that the characters we play can show that and uplift a community that I am an ally of.”

With all eyes pointing to Jeonghan after such a response, the younger showed a bit more hesitation. “I hope that those types can enjoy my portrayal of Kyungjoon.”

“But do you support them?” The interviewer pressed, Jeonghan’s discomfort obvious.

“Naturally, I find it difficult to fathom since I’m not… like that.” Seungcheol couldn’t seem to parse Jeonghan’s thoughts as he spoke. He could always read Jeonghan, so why did he feel so shut down? “But I don’t have any opinion about what others choose to do.”

“Our fans can be of any gender or sexuality, we will love them regardless,” Seungcheol quickly chimed in, hoping to lighten up Jeonghan’s seemingly harsher words. “Destiny of the Heart is all about acceptance of those you love, despite things like status or gender.”

“Right,” Jeonghan simply piggybacked off on the words, seemingly not so willing to say such a thing himself.

* * *

Somehow, Seungcheol had managed to get through such a dreadful conference despite many Jeonghan’s needling comments. This was a community he loved, a community he was a part of, and to see his best friend so visibly uncomfortable about it…he didn’t know what to make of it. Did Jeonghan hold that much distain for men who were…just like him? And if so, what did that mean for them?

But hey, at least it was over, Seungcheol reminded himself. And hopefully, those questions wouldn’t have to come up again any time soon.

“I think that was the hardest press conference I’ve ever had to deal with,” Jeonghan sighed, taking a seat backstage as the audience watched the first episode.

“You’re telling me,” The leader agreed. “I’m usually not so…at a loss.”

“I really hate people seeing me as…you know. I just need all these gay questions to mellow out already.”

Trying not to show his bothered reaction, he simply nodded along. “Right.”

“Nothing against them, they just… weird me out. So many gays who prey on straight guys and I’m just supposed to say I support them for media attention? I don’t want that on my conscience.”

_Please stop talking,_ Seungcheol begged in his head. He wasn’t ever a good liar, and he wasn’t sure how much of this he could take. “That’s foolish, Han. They’re just like everyone else, you’ve probably met many gay people that you liked and respected you.”

“I’ve only met one gay man, you know. A total creep. Trying to make me like him…”

“I promise you’ve met more than that. More that wouldn’t hurt you, wouldn’t push you. You just need to open your eyes.”

Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel hurt. Things had never been so tense between them before, but the topic seemed to make both boys completely on edge. Jeonghan was talking about his best friend like that, whether he knew it or not. And if he knew…would he see Seungcheol like that, too?

“Have I?” Jeonghan’s voice got fainter, as if not even wanting to know the answer of such a difficult thought. One that he seemed to know the answer to already, based on how rigid he was.

Seungcheol’s brows furrowed as he weighed his choices, authenticity grabbing the lead in the midst of his anger. “Am I predatory, Jeonghan?” He raised his voice slightly as he continued. “To you? To our members? Fuck, Jeonghan, we’ve shared the same damn bed a million times, and I’ve never even dreamed of hurting you, forcing you, any of it. For you to think I’d even dare-“ He started, having to cut himself off to stop his anger from boiling over. It wasn’t worth it.

“Damn it- on top of all that, I like you, Han. Hate me or not, I would never lay a damn hand on you and you know it. I respect you…at least the you who wasn’t like this.”

The look on Jeonghan’s eyes showed just how stunned and upset he was as the realization hit him. Seungcheol liked men. More than that, Seungcheol liked _him_. Seungcheol was one of those people that he was carelessly slandering without another thought, and so easily did his world view crumble. Seungcheol was nothing like his perceptions. He was warm, protective, kind… and if he was gay, what did that mean?

“Seungcheol…” Jeonghan started, the words choking in his throat before he could even think of what to say. Everything they had imploded within seconds, and he wasn’t sure he could pick up the wreckage. “I just…”

“Congratulations, guys!” The rest of their members excitedly barreled into their green room with a racket of noise.

“You did amazing!”

“You look so cool!”

“Let’s go celebrate!”

“Oh, let’s get drinks!”

Chatter filled the room, only to fall silent as the other boys suddenly noticed the foul mood inside stopping them dead in their tracks.

Jihoon was the first to break the seemingly unending silence. “Cheol?"

“Sorry, guys, I’m not feeling too good,” Seungcheol explained, easily breezing past the group and to the door. “You go celebrate. I’ll see you at home.”

Without waiting for any acknowledgement of his words he sped out the door, going anywhere he could get away.


	6. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since last chapter was a bit of a rough one I decided to put this one out a bit earlier than usual! Thanks for all your support on these chapters, I'm really enjoying writing them these days ♡

Who could’ve thought it’d be so easy to ignore a man in your own home? It had been a few days since the press conference, and somehow Seungcheol and Jeonghan had managed to put quite a bit of distance between each other. Performing was inevitable, but soon after they’d simply go to different green rooms, different vans, and different bedrooms. It wasn’t nearly as hard as Seungcheol expected, at least physically.

Mentally, however, it was hellish. Sure, he had the other boys to keep him company, but they weren’t _him_. The one he needed to be sorting all of this over with. But would Jeonghan ever be able to understand where he was coming from? Could he ever come around?

He didn’t need Jeonghan as his lover, as much as he had wanted it back then. But he needed his friend back — he needed the Jeonghan who always made him laugh, who cheated on their game nights and made the best coffee. And being without him after all they’d gone through together had made Seungcheol feel lost, even insuch a short time.

“They have to come around to talking soon, right?” Soonyoung whispered to Jihoon, looking over at the depressing shell of a leader. “Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that serious.”

Jihoon’s eyes easily gave him away, filled with adoration and never faltering from Seungcheol. He looked tired, his face gaunt and eyes dark as he forced himself to even pretend to eat a proper meal. He’d seen Seungcheol upset many times in their years of training together, but never like _this_.

“He wouldn’t be like this if it wasn’t serious.” And if he was on track with his theory of what happened, he wasn’t sure if things would ever be the same. He should be elated, glad to have all of the older’s attention once more and keep their distance from Jeonghan…but it all felt wrong. Jihoon couldn’t be there for him when he knew that he wasn’t the one Seungcheol was waiting for at the table. “He needs time. Healing. And Jeonghan, probably…”

“He needs you to push him over in Jeonghan’s direction, Ji. You’re the one he trusts the most.”

“I’ve tried. You of all people should see that.” Jihoon grumbled out the words, and yet still resigned to move from his place on the couch. It didn’t feel right, pushing Seungcheol closer to his self proclaimed ‘competition’. But if it made their leader feel better for even a moment…he’d simply have to give in. “I’ll try again. But I’m not forcing him if he’s not ready."

Soonyoung lifted his hand into a fist for good luck, glad to simply be an observer to such a situation as Jihoon tried to intervene.

“Everyone else finished dinner nearly an hour ago.” Jihoon tried to speak casually as he sat down beside the leader. “Still gonna tell me everything’s just fine?”

Seungcheol lifted his head to meet the other boy’s eyes. “Everything _is_ just fine. Don’t concern yourself with this.”

Jihoon cocked brow as he looked at the other. “ _‘Fine’_ doesn’t leave you in this state, Cheol…” He paused, hand lightly resting on the older’s shoulder. “How are you going to film when you two can’t even look at each other?”

The leader shrugged his shoulders, absently shrugging away Jihoon’s hand as well.“I’ll get over it by then,” Seungcheol promised with a tone no less hollow, taking a barely-there bite of now-cold rice. “I told you before, I can act professional.”

“You don’t need to be professional. You need to be a leader.” The words came out a bit harsher than he intended, but he knew nothing else would get through to the older.“Go to him and set this all straight, okay? Whatever it is.”

Jihoon let his tough love dwindle a little as he placed his hand on the other’s shoulder. “Seungcheol…I’m worried about you. I don’t like seeing you so hurt.”

Seungcheol nodded a little, still refusing to look up from his full plate and meet the younger’s disapproving eyes. He knew what Jihoon was saying was true. As the oldest, he was supposed to be a leader, an example. And what example would he be if he and Jeonghan couldn’t get along?

“We have a cast party today,” Seungcheol finally spoke up after a silence a little too long. “I suppose it wouldn’t be the end of the world if…if we talked for a moment or two.”

“That’s the spirit,” Jihoon smiled as the other finally looked at him, lettings hand lightly rub his broad and far too tense shoulders. “Seungcheol, just…come to me, next time. Don’t try and be strong by hiding things, not when you know I’ve got you.”

The small smile that Seungcheol gave him was just enough to soothe Jihoon’s aching heart, one which knew the familiarity of being too close and all too far. “I know, Ji. Thanks.”

It’s all too easy for Seungcheol to lean into Jihoon’s comfort in such a state, his affectionate skinship calming his nerves as he tried to figure out just how he could fix all this. And God, Jihoon was drowning in it, savoring every second before the leader’s abrupt pull away.

“Suppose I should get ready. I’ll fix this and be back soon, promise.”

The older left Jihoon easily in his wake, food still hardly touched on the table below.

* * *

In one of the only positive parts about arguing with Jeonghan this week, Seungcheol found himself being escorted alone in one of the company vans, with the other to arrive ‘fashionably late.’ But when he actually got out, suddenly being alone wasn’t the blessing it once was. Everyone was close and mingling, already knowing each other so well. And without Jeonghan by his side, he felt just like a deer in the headlights. All that time pining after Jeonghan, he’d yet to have a conversation with nearly anyone else in their cast. How blind love had made him, the four letter word stuck in his head sombering such a bustling party. He’d love Jeonghan for so long…and now they felt like nothing more than strangers.

But he was an adult, long past the need for someone to hold his hand through life. Maybe it would be for the best to go get drinks and mingle on his own. Perhaps he could find someone of his own persuasion to crush on out here, he thought to himself, moving through the crowd to grab up a complimentary champagne from one of the servers. As he sipped, his eyes frantically scanned the crowd for a familiar face, softening a bit once he finally locked eyes on a certain bright-eyed actor.

“Hey, Seungcheol!” Eunwoo called, half-jogging over to the other man before stopping in front of him. “Wow…you clean up nice, hm?”

“You think so?” Seungcheol looked down at his plain suit, offering a shy shrug. “Well, everyone on set is always immaculate…I can only hope to blend in. You’re dashing as always, Woo.”

“You flatter me too much.” The actor laughed softly, eyes flicked around the room before resting back on the older. “Where’s your other half, Seungcheol?”

The choice of words at such a time made Seungcheol cringe, an he could only hope it wasn’t too visible. “I’m not sure Jeonghan would like you referring to him like that,” He admitted before answering. “Fashionably late, I would guess.”

“Oh, trouble in paradise?” The thought made Eunwoo cock a brow. “While I hate to say I told you so during such a painful occurrence…there’s a reason why they say to never fall for your own bandmates, Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol’s eyes went wide at the words. “How did you-“ He began but faltered, babbling a bit from the embarrassment of such an accusation. Eunwoo had always had the uncanny ability to see right through him, but today all the leader wanted to do was hide away from the world.

“How do you think I know? I’ve been there. I could see it that first day, just how stuck you were in the worst place you could be…maybe that’s why I took such a liking to you.”

“I’m working on it…trying to un-stick. But I don’t even know where to start…”

A gentle grin played on Eunwoo’s lips, seemingly just what he’d wanted to hear. “You start by finding a real man, Cheol. One who gets you.”

But to Seungcheol, Jeonghan was the only man he’d wanted for so long. Could anyone ever break that bond? Jeonghan was his rock, and now that there was no chance for them, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. In some way, it felt like his faulty heart would always be Jeonghan’s.

“There’s a reason no cameras are allowed here, Cheol,” Eunwoo continued, sensing the hesitation in the older. “You can act as foolish as you want, your secrets are safe.” Seungcheol tried to speak, but quickly became distracted with the feeling of Eunwoo’s hand running down his chest, toying at one of the buttons on his shirt. “Let’s get a little reckless tonight, handsome.”

Truly, though, he didn’t know what to think, his brain completely frazzled at the implications. He’d never been hit on before, much less like this. Such a handsome man was standing right before him, offering his time, and yet his mind couldn’t be shaken from Jeonghan.

Jeonghan, who’d made it pretty damn clear what he’d thought of Seungcheol the last time they’d spoke. The one he loved who thought of him like a monster.

And Eunwoo was sitting right in front of him...gorgeous, charming, and most importantly pursuing him, for a change. Maybe this was the shift he needed to finally move on from the one he'd spent so long stuck on. No cameras, no reporters, no members...just someone who wanted him exactly how he was giving him a massive ego boost after his failed confession.

Seungcheol wasted no time in finishing his flute of champagne, quick to grab another one. He needed the liquid courage if he could even pretend to be a competent flirt after so many loveless years. “Would you want to dance?” He asked, the hunger in the smaller's eyes making him feel that Eunwoo had much different plans. 

“Dancing’s a start.”


	7. Upstaging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of SA

Seungcheol wasn’t one known for giving others the silent treatment. If anything, he was too open with his feelings, explaining his hurt and resolving issues almost as soon as they came up.

So when Seungcheol spent the next few days avoiding the younger, Jeonghan knew he’d severely messed up this time around.

It wasn’t like he meant anything by it: He didn’t know Seungcheol was gay, he especially didn’t know that Seungcheol had feelings for him…and maybe if he had, such words would have come out different.

Because at the end of the day, Seungcheol was right. He’d never been anything but good to Jeonghan. He’d never stepped out of bounds or made him feel uncomfortable. Seungcheol’s way of showing love was beautiful, how he went out of his way to make him and the other members feel cared for and supported. As much as he hated to admit it, hindsight made it clear: he loved being the object of Seungcheol’s affections. Whether it be platonic or romantic, he never thought of Seungcheol’s gaze in a negative way. In fact, he had only now realized how much he _craved_ it.

_And that kiss…_

Jeonghan shook his head away from that thought, begging for his common sense to come back. He wasn’t gay, and he shouldn’t want Seungcheol’s affections back on him. All he knew was that he had to make things right with Seungcheol. He needed his best friend back.

“We’re here.” Jeonghan’s driver finally spoke after the long ride, music already booming on the other side of the door. He’d never been to a cast party before, but the glitz and glam didn’t even phase him tonight. He needed to see Seungcheol, that was all. And yet, there wasn’t even a small sign of him in the crowd of people. Extras, cameramen, and starlets alike were pressed up against each other like sardines as they drunkenly danced about.

“Jeonghan, hey!” Sooyoung called out from nearby, running up only to see the dazed look on his face.“Let me guess, looking for Seungcheol?” She offered with a smile, bouncing on her feet after one too many cocktails herself.

“You know where he is?” He asked back, not even embarrassed about just how candid he was about it now. His pride could wait.

Sooyoung pursed her lips as she tried to remember. “Last thing I remember he was off dancing with Eunwoo. I was gonna ask to dance with them, but they seemed a bit…preoccupied?” Her well-intentioned smile only seemed to make the other’s face dim.

“Eunwoo..?” Jeonghan repeated, small scowl threatening to show on his face. Perhaps Eunwoo was his replacement after all. He could only imagine just how happy Eunwoo was to get his hands on _his_ leader, flirting and laughing with the boy who’d confessed to _him_. Not that he’d ever be jealous of such a thing…

He didn’t think it too fair for Eunwoo to steal away a man who was so obviously interested in another.

Or so he so unbelievably told himself. “Thanks, Joy. I’ll look around for him.”

“Fine, but you owe me a dance after, okay?” She smiled unbothered, happily sipping on her drink as the other made his way through the crowd. On a normal day, such a thought would have made his stomach flutter in excitement. And yet today, all he could think about was how Seungcheol must have felt when Jeonghan first admitted to liking her.

The thought of being loved by Seungcheol was all consuming, invading the farthest cavities of his mind and putting back every memory in their last decade together slightly askew. He’d never even thought of how many men would kill for his daily view of the leader changing, or to see those contagious laughing fits that weren’t suited for the screen.

Once he’d managed to leave his pervasive thoughts behind, it wasn’t long until he spotted them. Seungcheol and Eunwoo were two men who always managed to stand out in a crowd, either by their gorgeous physiques or bright personalities. But once he saw them, part of him simply wished he hadn’t. Seeing them like this…it was an understatement to simply say it rubbed him the wrong way. Eunwoo’s hands raked through the leader’s hair as they danced and laughed, progressively getting more drunk and much, much closer all the while. And Seungcheol looked so genuinely happy; happier than he’d looked in a long while. Happier than he did with Jeonghan.

He wondered whether it was the relief that his secrets needn’t be kept here, or the gorgeous Eunwoo that cured his heartache. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out.

Hell, wasn’t it he who’d first called this kind of thing unnatural? If so, then why was he the one who was so upset? He hated seeing Seungcheol hold another like he held Jeonghan, looking at him like he was the leader’s entire world - it wasn’t right. How could he have moved on already when he’d just made his feelings known? It felt unfair, pulling his heart in so many directions just to play with him.

Their eyes met as the music slowed, Seungcheol and Eunwoo only getting closer before their lips met.

_Ouch._

But this was a good thing, Jeonghan tried to reassure himself. Seungcheol’s feelings for him were shallow enough that he was able to move on, and that meant they could go back to being friends again. Seungcheol found someone…Seungcheol found a man that made him happy, and he’d happily support him through it. It’s just what he’d have to do for everything to go back to normal.

So why did it feel so bad to look at all this?

Part of him wanted to believe it was just because seeing his best friend kiss a man was so unnatural — but why did it feel so much like a rejection, then?

Jeonghan didn’t want to be around to find out, he didn’t want to see lips that were so briefly on his moving against Eunwoo’s own. He didn’t want to know just how much Seungcheol _liked it_ , the feeling of being actively pursued instead of being pushed away. Jeonghan would just have to do what he did best, ignoring the truths in his head, running to the bathroom in between crowds of people to put some distance between himself and the apparent lovers.

The vocalist’s eyes met his reflection as he tried to regain himself, noting just how pale he looked. It wasn’t like him to lose his cool, to dwell on stupid things like this…and yet, he was desperate to be anywhere but there. Jeonghan didn’t want to party, he wanted to be home watching bad movies with Seungcheol. He wanted everything to feel normal again, with his place in the leader’s heart once again secured. And maybe it was selfish, but the thought of Seungcheol liking anyone but him put a bitter taste in his mouth.

If this was love, he didn’t want it. He didn’t want to feel so helpless, to feel so wrong for something that had never felt so right. If only he could forget the way Seungcheol kissed him, forget that the leader who meant the world to him had once wanted to be with him and him alone.

Jeonghan wasn’t sure how long he stayed at the mirror, looking into the nearly unrecognizable reflection. Minutes? Hours?At least nobody had to be a witness for his depressing show, eyes red and puffy from tears he didn’t realize he’d shed. He’d only really become aware he was still stuck in there when he finally heard the door open, a sound he’d been dreading from the second he walked in. With composing himself simply out of the question he simply retreated into one of the stalls, locking it tight before sinking down. Nobody should see him like this, he decided as he hesitantly looked out of the small gap on the stall. Not at his lowest.

“Seungcheol, nobody’s even in here. You have got to learn to loosen up.”

The sound of such a familiar name made his eyes go wide. _Seungcheol_. Peeking his eyes through the small slit of the door he could see the two other men, practically glued against each other with no signs of letting up. He should have looked away, he knew it well, and yet he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander to the leader. Seungcheol looked different like this, the strong leader now turned into a tipsy mess, disheveled and wanton as he pulled Eunwoo into rougher kisses still. The vocalist had never seen him in such a state, the cute puppy dog exterior suddenly changing into a man right in front of him.

Even Jeonghan had to admit their leader was sexy like this. And Eunwoo seemed to think so too, at least with the way he was throwing himself at the man. Delighted mewls and hums spilled past his lips as his fingers worked on the top buttons of the leader’s shirt, taunting and begging the inexperienced boy against him.

“Let me take care of you tonight, Cheol. Just you and me.”

“Ah, I-“ Seungcheol’s breath hitched as Eunwoo pressed him against the wall, gliding his fingers along the exposed flesh leading down to the older’s waistband.

This couldn’t be happening, Jeonghan thought as he peered out at them. What kind of nightmare was this, that he’d have to watch Eunwoo groping at the leader who claimed to love him. To hear Seungcheol’s labored breathing as his body begged for more…

Jeonghan couldn’t look away even if he’d wanted to. Seungcheol’s toned chest, his muscled biceps screaming to be free of his suit jacket, the thick bulge in his pants that left nothing to the imagination… it was straight out of an erotica. He’d seen Seungcheol in less clothes than that a thousand times, but it was never like this. He couldn’t let it be like this, no matter how unbearably gorgeous he was.

The singer tried to ignore just how wanton such a scene of Seungcheol had made him, but his body was never as discreet as he was. His thighs rubbed against each other as his body rocked in excitement, nails digging into his knee to try and force such thoughts out of him. He was not about to get all hot and heavy thinking about Seungcheol wanting him, being with _him_. Jeonghan had already all but rejected the leader, and Seungcheol…he’d moved on.

“Eunwoo…” That breathy moan was the first noise out of Seungcheol’s lips that made Jeonghan flinch. Eunwoo was the one who got to experience this side of Seungcheol, not him. An inconvenient truth that painfully resounded with his name.

“Woo, we should stop.” Seungcheol used the last bit of his resolve to lightly push the smaller man away from his mussed frame. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I want to, God do I want to… but I shouldn’t.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Seungcheol,” Eunwoo reassured between quiet pants, clearly already just as needy as Jeonghan from rubbing up against the leader. “You can use me to clear your mind…you won’t find me complaining.” The smaller boy once again pulled the older closer, lips pressing against his much more gently than before.

“Woo…you’ve been so amazingly sweet to me…but I just can’t. It’s not fair to you when I’m thinking about him.”

Such words made Jeonghan’s stomach flutter in the most baffling way. Seungcheol was still stuck on him, after all. He could feel his cheeks burning red as he thought of Seungcheol moaning his name instead, pulling him closer in such desperation…

“I’m not concerned about him, and you shouldn’t be either.” Eunwoo leaned against the counter, seemingly giving up on their escapades despite his hand affectionately rubbing circles on the leader’s thigh. “Why should I be jealous of some straight man who doesn’t even notice you spoiling him rotten?”

“Stop, Eunwoo-“

“You know I’m right…you deserve more than that, Seungcheol. You deserve someone who’s not disgusted by who you are. Someone who sees you as a man.”

_Disgusted_. The word took Jeonghan aback. He could never feel that was for his leader. Did he act disgusted by the other’s affection? Did he treat Seungcheol so poorly while Seungcheol continued loving him? The thought made his stomach turn.

“I want to be alone, Woo. Now’s not the time.” The words were simple yet firm, ones that Eunwoo obeyed despite the disappointment he wasn’t even trying to hide.

“If you want to waste your youth pining, be my guest,” he mumbled, straightening himself up before walking out the door. “Swing by when you’re ready for something real. But don’t expect me to be waiting around forever.”

The door slammed shut and Seungcheol slumped against the wall, sigh spilling out of him as he tried to regain himself. It was a moment before he could even get around to tidying up, lazily fixing the buttons on his shirt and mussing his hair. Even after putting himself together Seungcheol still looked obviously scruffy, but Jeonghan had to admit quite suited him. Dazed, sexy, innocent… this was the real Seungcheol. The one who only seemed to age better each day.

Finally, it was just the two of them again, even if Seungcheol didn’t know it. The way if was supposed to be. He wanted to celebrate but such a triumph was short-lived seeing the sadness in the older’s eyes. He wanted someone, even just for the night. Something about such a thought made Jeonghan realize just how lonely the leader must have been all this time, hiding away from the others and forbidding himself to date. It suddenly felt selfish to enjoy Eunwoo leaving, letting him take such a hard look at the leader who’d done nothing but care for him.

“Fuck…” Seungcheol growled to nobody in particular, hands running through his hair as he tried to calm himself in the absence of anyone. He could hear the bustling noise on the other side of the door, a party that he wasn’t sure he could face any longer. And yet he had to, he knew, gaining his composure as he finally left the bathroom and freed Jeonghan of his hiding spot.

It’s now or never, Jeonghan supposed, waiting a moment before following after the older rejoining the party again. Seungcheol looked like a lost puppy like this, eyes softening as they glanced around the room for someone to waste time with.

“Seungcheol.” It took a moment for the younger to find his voice. It felt nice to finally call him again, he thought, moving closer to their leader. “I was looking for you."

“Jeonghan.” The usual bright smile Seungcheol had for him dwindled a bit as he looked upon him, his buzzed state making his emotions far too obvious. “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you tonight.”

“I wasn’t sure if I’d come,” Jeonghan admitted to the other boy, having to raise his voice to avoid being drowned out by the music. “But I had to apologize somewhere, and it’s hard when you keep avoiding me.”

“Yeah…I’m sorry.”

“ _I’m_ sorry _,_ Seungcheol. I was so out of line, and I upset you-“ He wasn’t expecting to get emotional, and yet he couldn’t help but to wear his heart on his sleeve. His vision got blurry as Seungcheol led them to the hall, music getting quieter as they left the source of the noise oncemore. “Seungcheol, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you.”

Seungcheol looked away, not sure how to respond in such foreign circumstances. “Your stance…it isn’t the easiest to forgive, much less understand. I thought you of all people would be tolerant.”

“I’m sorry, I just-“ Jeonghan bit his lip, taking a deep breath and readying himself to talk about such a subject. “I was still young when I met my first gay man, Cheol, and he…he poisoned my world view.”

Seungcheol remained quiet as the other continued. “I was underage, snuck into a club… I thought he was cool just because he bought me drinks without question a-and listened to what I had to say. I thought he was my friend…” He paused for a moment, debating on how much he should say. But he knew he’d have to lay it all out if there was any chance of building back trust with his best friend. “so when he told me to come with him I did…h-he took my first time, my voice, my youth…” Jeonghan’s voice went shaky as the leader put an arm around him, soothing him.

“I-I just thought…I never wanted to know another person like him. I kept my distance from gay people, I let him set the precedent, but you…”Jeonghan couldn’t see the older through his bleary eyes, and he could only lean in closer to the older’s warmth. “But you’re a good man, Cheol. And fuck, I care about you so much…I see where I went wrong…I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’d take it all back in a second if I could.”

Seungcheol shook his head, not waiting to pull Jeonghan in to a tighter bear hug as the vocalist lost his last semblance of composure. “It’s okay, Jeonghan. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

The way Seungcheol managed to forgive him so easily for acting heinous was all it took for the smaller to break down against his leader’s arms, sobs making his entire chest shake as he tried to keep them in. Seungcheol was such a good man, forgiving him so easily and loving him so fully, it only made him feel more guilty for how he was acting. How could he ever doubt that Seungcheol was anything but warm and compassionate?

“I accept you, Cheol. Just how you are.” He managed between gentle cries, looking up at the leader with sincerity. “Don’t hide yourself from me.”

And for the first time in a long time, Seungcheol smiled down on him, soft laugh making the smaller’s heart leap. “What are you crying about, Han,” He teased, smile continuing to grow. “You can’t get rid of me, you know. You’re always gonna be my best friend, regardless of what happens.”

_Best friends_. For some reason, Jeonghan didn’t feel the immediate relief he thought he would with such words. Being friends again was supposed to be amazing, and yet now he was just left with a craving for more and a hollowness in his chest. He’d already accepted every part of Seungcheol…and yet now he’d have to give back his heart.

Maybe it was for the better.

“Always,” Jeonghan promised, his smile beginning to falter.


	8. Breaking Script

When the two eldest finally stopped bickering, it seemed like everything in the band had gone back to usual. Everyone was a big happy family once more, being able to stay close to each other and enjoy group time without worry.

And Seungcheol thought he’d be happy for everything to just go back to how it always was, even if that meant giving up the man of his dreams. Even so, something still felt off about Jeonghan. Their normal lively conversations became rigid, and any platonic touch seemed to make the vocalist jump out of his skin. They promised to forget about all of this, and yet Jeonghan looked even more shocked and uncomfortable than the day he’d confessed.

Maybe it was foolish, expecting his friend to just accept him after such revelations. After all of those dark thoughts that poisoned his mind for so long, was it even a question that Jeonghan could still hold on to some of those feelings?

Line rehearsal, of course, was the most strained part of their day. With the on-screen romance of the two men blossoming, it only felt more and more difficult for the leader who was so desperately trying to get over his little crush.

“Kyungjoon, I told you to stay away,” Seungcheol read, eyes traveling anywhere except Jeonghan’s own.

“I tried,” Jeonghan replied, ignoring the stage notes about moving closer to his on-screen lover. “but how am I supposed to go when you’ve already put your spell on me?”

“It’s not safe for you and Yuna to stick around my brother and I. You heard what everyone thinks - we’re bad news.”

“I don’t care what everyone thinks.” The two’s eyes finally met, but they both looked away as fast as they could physically manage. But when Seungcheol looked back to his page, he could feel the heat of Jeonghan’s eyes staring him down oncemore. “It’s too late for anyone to change how I feel about you.”

“I can’t drag you into this mess.” Seungcheol couldn’t help but keep the words void of emotion, worried of scaring his friend off. “Not you.”

“You already have.” Jeonghan skimmed past the stage directions again, but the actor still managed to put his heart in his words. “I love you, damn it. Look at me and tell me you don’t love me too.”

However hollow the command was, it still made Seungcheol get goosebumps all along his arms. If he was ever going to get over Jeonghan, he may have to wait until they _weren’t_ confessing to each other on a daily basis.

“You know I do,” The words came out quietly, the leaders eyes avoiding the smaller’s gaze despite the directions to do otherwise. His heart surely couldn’t bear seeing Jeonghan saying such affections back to him when everything was still so raw. “Since day one I’ve loved you, and I’ll continue to love you until my last breath.”

_The two kiss with desperation before Jaehyun pulls away, Kyungjoon chasing his lips._

The stage notes caused Seungcheol to clear his throat nervously. “We should stop here for the night,” The leader concluded, raking shaky fingers through his hair. He wasn’t sure how much more of this awkward atmosphere he could take.

“I don’t mind continuing.”

Seungcheol shook his head, such a thought far outside his realm of possibilities. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea…we can skip it.”

“I’m not uncomfortable anymore, Cheol.” Jeonghan attempted a look of earnesty, and yet it still all felt off. “Your feelings can’t be helped, right? Should I be upset that you have such good taste?”

The light ribbing made the leader’s lips curve into a smile. “Still as cheeky as ever, huh?”

“You love it.” Perhaps the wrong word choice, they both silently decide, cheeks reddening on either side of the table before Jeonghan tried to save his faux pas. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“No, it’s okay,” Seungcheol laughed, looking over at the other. “Don’t hold your tongue around me…I want to know what’s on your mind, so we can just go back to normal.”

“You don’t want normal, you want to pretend all this never happened.” Not even Jeonghan was sure why he seemed to suddenly seethe at such a thought. “After all you finally told me, you wan’t me to pretend I didn’t hear it.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” He asked with a soft sigh. “I’m over you, I don’t plan on dating, so why can’t we just go back to how it was?” Seungcheol could only hope all of Pledis’ acting classes had paid off as he attempted such a bold lie.

Jeonghan’s brows furrowed, and the leader could only hope he hadn’t been caught. “Oh.” The smaller’s voice cracked slightly despite his brevity. “That’s good, then.”

“I don’t want to have this barrier between you and I. I just want to be the hyung that you rely on again.”

“You are, Cheol. That never changed.”

Seungcheol offered the other a half-hearted smile as he put his manuscript away. “Anyways...we’re filming early tomorrow, it’d be best if we both get some rest.”

“Right,” He spoke, but the leader hadn’t even waited for his response before turning away.

Defeated oncemore Jeonghan slumped down in his chair, letting out a soft sigh. Why weren’t Seungcheol’s words the relief he’d thought they would be? And how could he move on so quickly? Perhaps he’d thought too much of himself and the love Seungcheol had for him. If he was so loved, wasn’t Seungcheol supposed to be tossing and turning for months, dreaming of him? He should be pining for the vocalist, thinking of every way his smaller body would look wrapped around the leader. Stealing glances, savoring their confession scenes, practicing kisses much, much more than they needed…and yet Seungcheol was already over it all without any thought of the vocalist's feelings?

Not that he wanted any of that, Jeonghan confirmed in his head. But there was a certain comfort that came from being wanted. Being _loved_. And by a man like Choi Seungcheol, nonetheless. Their leader was the closest thing to an angel he’d ever seen, a man who cared so deeply that it could move mountains. And a man like that only came along once in a lifetime, and even Jeonghan knew that.

He didn’t know when his tears started falling. He only noticed the ink smeared manuscript below him as the droplets obscured his act.

He’d gotten exactly what he wanted, yet he'd never felt worse.

* * *

“Good job with your scenes with Joy today,” Seungcheol hummed, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “You know, I can _barely_ see you drooling over her anymore.”

Despite the clear teasing, Jeonghan’s face didn’t feign happiness for even a second. “Oh, yeah.”

Seungcheol’s face fell in a similar matter with such a response. “Is something wrong?” He asked, only hoping that the answer wasn’t him this time around.

“I just…don’t feel good today. I feel off.”

The leader scrunched up his nose with worry before putting the back of his hand against Jeonghan’s forehead. “You’re a bit warm…should we ask the manager to take you home early today? We can always reschedule our scenes together, you know.”

“I can handle myself, Cheol,” He promised as he found himself cozying up to the other’s warmth, trying not to enjoy it as much as he did. “I’ll find a way to look good for the final cut regardless.”

“Seungcheol, Jeonghan, you’re up!” The director called in his booming voice, making everyone scurry into position. “You think you two can finish us up strong with the rest of this love scene?”

Both boys seemed too nervous at the implication of kissing to do anything but nod at the question. This scene was what everything had been building up to, and Seungcheol wasn’t sure what to feel. Not that he had much time to decide, as soon the lights focused in on him and the director was calling action.

The scene went just as they rehearsed, though the leader could only hope he looked more genuine than their last read together. It was hard not to feel the emotion behind the scene when Jeonghan was so close to him, their eyes meeting as they once again became lovers on the stage.

“I can’t drag you into this mess,” Seungcheol’s voice was low and genuine as his hand gently caressed Jeonghan’s cheek. “Not you.”

He tried to pay attention to the other boy’s lines, yet he stayed transfixed on his eyes. _Love was a cruel joke_ , he thought, drowning in the caresses and loving words from the other actor. Part of him even hoped they’d need a reshoot, if only to stay close to him for one second more. If only he could hold on to this love a little longer before finally having to say goodbye.

“I love you, damn it. Look at me and tell me you don’t love me too.”

“You know I do.” Seungcheol could feel the other’s heart speed as they moved closer together, noses affectionately grazing against each other. “Since day one, I’ve loved you, and I’ll continue to love you until my last breath.”

He waited for the hard cut, the new angle, or whatever else would obscure their fake kiss this time. But before the director could even call for a cut, Jeonghan’s lips were on his.

_Play it cool, it’s all acting,_ he thought in his head, but he couldn’t help the way his eyes widened in surprise. Jeonghan kissed him, unprompted. Not only that, but the vocalist was pulling him _closer_ , hands snaking against his neck and running through his hair.

Just once, perhaps it was okay to falter. He’d get over Jeonghan later, Seungcheol promised himself, letting his eyes flutter closed as he returned the kiss with just as much fervor. Strong hands held Jeonghan’s waist as he was pulled impossibly closer, letting his need for the other show far more than intended. The feigned desperation from the younger was intoxicating, like he’d simply perish without the taste of Seungcheol’s lips. He was so entranced by the want to be closer, to savor the moment they’d never have again, that he’d forgotten that he was supposed to be the one to break the kiss.

“Cut!” The director called out to them. Jeonghan took his sweet time to pull away from Seungcheol’s plush lips, eyeing each other in unguarded surprise. “Seungcheol, you’re supposed to resist the kiss. Jaehyun _wants_ Kyungjoon to stay away.”

“I, uh-“ Seungcheol sputtered out, head seemly empty of any words he could say to the equally stunned looking Jeonghan. Was he supposed to apologize? Laugh it off? Pretend it never happened? “Right, sorry. Sorry.”

“Take it from ‘you know I do,’ Seungcheol.”

Soon everything was put back in their place, anxiety heightened at the thought of kissing Jeonghan again. It was torturous, he thought, forcing them to kiss the one he wanted and could never have. Torturous, and yet he couldn’t help but crave it. “You know I do.” Jeonghan looked up at him with eyes full of adoration, something that only made him more flustered. damn, Jeonghan was one good actor. “Since day one, I’ve loved you, and I’ll continue to love you until my last breath.”

Jeonghan let out a breathy sigh as he pulled the other closer, capturing his lips in another yearning kiss that took Seungcheol’s breath away. It was so hard to pull away from Jeonghan, the gorgeous man who made him feel wobbly and frazzled as they pressed up against each other.

Still, Seungcheol had a part to play, a part that forced him away from Jeonghan’s lips as their eyes timidly fluttered open again, the leader suddenly finding it hard to remember his lines as Jeonghan tried to chase after the kiss. “You have to go,” he spoke finally, lips still tingling at the memory of the vocalist’s own.

Jeonghan, however, seemed stuck flushed red, the lines not seeming to come to him. “I…” He started, tears forming in his eyes as he tried to chase the familiar words. The words, however, never came. “Cheol…”

“H-hey, let’s take a break,” Seungcheol finally suggested, looking past Jeonghan to the producers. “Sorry, he hasn’t been feeling well today.”

Jeonghan only nodded, wasting no time before immediately sprinting off the set, eyes wide as he tried to get as far away as possible.

Seungcheol mustered up his best excuses and apologies to the cast before finally chasing after his friend, stomach turning in worry about the boy he so deeply cared for. It was hard not to wonder if Jeonghan was just sick, or sick of being around the leader.

But such fears dissipated as he saw the younger boy on the floor, cradling himself as he tried to regain composure. Now wasn’t the time for him to worry about his own standing - not when the one he loved so obviously needed him. “Jeonghan, hey, I’m here,” He spoke out gently, arms wrapping around the smaller and holding him tight.

Jeonghan simply nodded, hugging onto the other boy’s shirt as if it was all just a bad dream. “Let’s just go home,” He spoke quietly, letting himself enjoy the embrace of the other for just a second too long. Seungcheol looking out for him was something he could never quite get used to, but something he’d always cherished. “Unless…you have more shooting today…”

Seungcheol briefly remembered the scene that he was supposed to do with Eunwoo later in the day, and yet he quickly brushed it off. Jeonghan came before work, and anything else for that matter. “We can go home, Han. Just hold onto me and I’ll get you to the van.”

Usually having Jeonghan so close would only make him flustered, but now all he could think about was the smaller’s safety. He looked so pale and feverish…the leader could only hope it was nothing serious. But Jeonghan had been pushing himself so hard lately…between acting and performances, it wasn’t hard to think he’d been spread too thin, his health suffering the consequences. And to be a leader who didn’t even notice…

“I’m sorry, Jeonghan.” The van was silent until the older finally spoke up. “I was careless, telling you to work when you were already not feeling well… I should have told someone.”

Jeonghan quickly shook his head, eyes still transfixed on his knees. “It’s not your fault. I didn’t tell anyone either, when I started…feeling like this.”

“Well, we were spread so thin this morning, you couldn’t have had the time.”

“It’s been longer than that,” The vocalist admitted, pink cheeks obscured by free strands of hair. “I guess I just didn’t want anyone else to know. Or I didn’t want to admit it for myself…”

A small bit of assumed clarity washed over Seungcheol at such news, making him breathe an odd sigh of relief at his friend’s current situation. “That’s why you’ve been acting weird around me.” It wasn’t a question, the words being said aloud just giving him a bit of reassurance. “I was scared that you hated me after everything, Han.”

“Don't worry about that.” Jeonghan finally looked up at the older, giving him a weak smile. “It's quite the opposite, Cheol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late chapter! I try to update at least once a week but I had quite a hard time working on this one for some reason. See you next weekend for chapter 9 :)


	9. Stage Fright

“Knock knock,” Seungcheol said aloud before barging into Jeonghan’s room, arms far too preoccupied to actually pound on the door. “I’m coming in, so you best be decent.”

Such words made Jeonghan scoff as the older made his way inside, laying all of his goods on the nightstand to give his arms a needed rest. “I’m just in bed, dork. The manager told me to stay put.” The vocalist sat up before patting the side of the bed, gesturing for his leader to take a break with him. “What’s all this?”

Seungcheol perked up at the question, seemingly waiting for those magic words to unleash all of his wellness items onto the unsuspecting Jeonghan. “Let’s see…your favorite soup from the convenience store, herbal jelly, water…ah, Seungkwan said to take these supplements to regain strength, and this pack to lower a fever…and this bear. He smells like lavender, so he’s supposed to help you get a lot of rest.”

After laying it all out, though, it _did_ feel a bit overkill. He couldn’t help but wonder if a normal friend would do all of this. He’d certainly be found out if he kept trying so hard…but when Jeonghan was in need, it was second nature for the older to rush to his aid. He was just being a good leader… _right?_

“I didn’t mean to trouble you, Cheol. It was all just a misunderstanding.”

“I saw how bad you felt out there, so it certainly wasn’t nothing,” The leader argued, hand pressing against the smaller’s forehead. “At least your fever’s gone, hm?”

Jeonghan could only hope that the leader didn’t notice the temperature spike at his gentle affections. “Right…I told you, I’m fine now. The manager thinks it was just a panic attack from overworking.”

“So I heard…but panic disorders are serious business,” He contested with a huff, wondering if Jeonghan’s sudden panicking had something to do with their on-screen kisses. Had he made some sort of mistake? Had he pushed Jeonghan too far?

Seungcheol tried to brush such thoughts away from him, focusing instead on pressing a small ice pack against Jeonghan’s forehead. From now on, he couldn’t afford to think about his feelings. Instead, he’d have to put his efforts into helping Jeonghan. “Now take these vitamins, okay? Seungkwan insisted they’d do you well.”

The vocalist gave in begrudgingly, through he only became more warm as Seungcheol doted on him. It felt bad, taking advantage of Seungcheol’s kindness…but on the other hand, he had to admit how much he loved being the center of the leader’s affections once again.

“Take this, too,” Seungcheol prompted, placing the teddy bear between the smaller’s arms. “Joshua said you told him you didn’t sleep last night, so this should help…”

Jeonghan wanted to protest, but he soon found himself burying his face against the bear, taking in the sweet scent of lavender that soothed his fried nerves. _A present from Seungcheol._ He held it just a bit tighter in his arms, the warmth making him let out a happy sigh. “Thank you, Cheol.”

“Now, you keep hold of that while I make you some soup. Then we can get that herbal jelly, some ice cream, a backrub…”

“Seungcheol, I’m alright,” It was hard to deny that Jeonghan’s heart felt so full with such guestures…but it was full of all that he wasn’t supposed to be feeling. He’d have to put an end to this before he let himself fall back into his delusions of him and Seungcheol. Before he admitted the realizations he had the night before on set. “I appreciate your help, but I just want to rest.”

“Ah, right.then I’ll give you a back rub until you fall asleep?” Seungcheol began to stand up before being stopped by Jeonghan’s arm pleading for him to stay beside him.

“You’ve done more than enough.”

“Hannie, I-“

“Cheol, stop.” The firmness in the younger’s voice left the leader at a loss, but Jeonghan knew he had to stop this from getting out of hand. “Stop acting like you want me.”

The sudden accusation made Seungcheol’s heart sink, feeling completely exposed by the simple words. Despite how much he’d been trying to hide his heart, it was impossible when it came to Jeonghan. What they had — or what he had alone for Jeonghan, he supposed — it far exceeded any love he’d ever known. And trying to hide that love for so long only made it easier to let his adoration bubble over. “I’m sorry.”

“Then tell me you don’t want me.” There was a pause as the younger tried not to let his emotions show. “That we’re just friends. Tell me, Cheol.”

Seungcheol’s expression fell as the other boy asked what he’d been dreading since they decided to be friends again, knowing just how obvious he’d been all this time. “I can’t,” He admitted, reaching out his hand to set it atop the younger’s own. “I’ve had feelings for you since we were teens…something like that just can’t go away in a few weeks.But I’m _trying_ , Jeonghan, I-“

The leader’s voice was cut short as the vocalist closed the distance between them, the older letting out a surprised gasp as their lips met. Jeonghan’s breath was shaky, nearly desperate as he tugged the other down by his collar, lips moving on their own accord as Seungcheol’s confusion only continued to grow. This couldn’t be practice anymore…but knowing Jeonghan, it couldn’t be love, either. Part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it all meant, and so he simply succumbed to the feeling of being wanted by Jeonghan for the first time in his life, eagerly returning kisses until he was breathless.

“Stop confusing me, Choi Seungcheol,” The vocalist whispered against his leader’s lips. “I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Seungcheol stammered, not sure which one of them was supposed to feel more confused in this moment. He was trying so hard to do everything right…but next to Jeonghan, he couldn’t help but melt into any sliver of affection. He wondered if he’d ever be able to stop loving the man before him, but at times like this the answer seemed clear as day. “I’ll stop liking you…I’ll try harder to move on, and we can forget about all this.”

“What about me?”

The tired leader let out a sigh, at a loss for what else he could try to appease his friend.“Then what do you want, Han? To go our separate ways? Break up the group and leave our members to deal with it? I can’t.”

“I want you to take responsibility,” Jeonghan countered, meeting the older’s eyes with renewed fire as his inhibitions melted away. “Take responsibility, Seungcheol, you made me like this…you made me sign up for the damn drama, you made me do all those kiss scenes and y-you made me start to like it… and now I’m supposed to ignore all of that and let you date Eunwoo or whoever else?”

Seungcheol cocked his head in confusion, all the information simply too much to process in a single sentence. “W…what?”

“You said you still like me…” The younger’s voice softened, visibly flustered as he tried to parse his own thoughts. “So don’t fool around with other guys and just… keep liking me. You have my permission…i-if you still want to.”

As if hit by a train, it felt like all the words Jeonghan was babbling for days came together in a split second. Why Jeonghan wanted to practice their kisses, why he didn’t like Eunwoo, why he ran off set and rejected his adorations…“You like me?” He asked, but it wasn’t a question, confusion replaced with complete euphoria as the pieces all clicked into place.

No cameras in sight, and yet Jeonghan was all but confessing to him. “You like me.” This time he spoke with confidence, the statement making the corner of his lips curve into a smile.

“T-that’s not what I said!” This time it was the younger’s turn to be flustered. “It’s just… you said you like me and just replaced me before I even got a chance to know how I feel…”

“You’re irreplaceable Jeonghan,” Seungcheol promised, his hand giving the smaller’s a reassuring squeeze. “But you have to tell me where your mind’s at.”

“And what happens if I do?” The smaller asked, his stomach turning from the intense nerves.

“I’ll stop looking at anyone but you.”

Such a thought made Jeonghan gulp, a red blush spreading across his cheeks. He’d never confessed before…but with such an enticing prize, he knew this may be his only chance to let his bottled feelings finally be heard. “I like knowing that you’re by my side…I like when the other members complain that you play favorites with me. I like watching you turn down beautiful models because you want me. I like when you kiss me…I like messing up our lines after so we get to kiss again. I-I like you, okay? So please…keep liking me too.”

Such a confession made Seungcheol’s heart stop, time seemingly freezing around him as he heard the words that he’d never once expected to hear outside of his dream. “I could never stop liking you,” He admitted, nose gently nuzzling against the younger’s own. “Say it again. That you like me.”

Jeonghan pushed the other away, huffing at such brazen words. “You need to hear it again to believe me?”

“I’ve been waiting to hear you say that for years, Jeonghan. I’d say my excitement’s well deserved.”

“…I like you, Choi Seungcheol.” Jeonghan’s admission still was one that made the leader’s heart do backflips. “Even though you’re a total dork, even though you’re a boy…”

Seungcheol’s smile reached his dimples as he held the other boy tight, completely overwhelmed with a joy he’d never expected. Somehow, Jeonghan liked him. And suddenly, it felt like all those hardships he faced for the boy were more than worth it. “I won’t let you regret liking me, Jeonghan. I’ll show you what it’s like to be cared for properly.”

“Jeez, you’re so cheesy already,” Jeonghan grumbled with a smile, secretly enjoy the affections he’d been depriving himself of for so long as he cuddled against the leader’s chest. He didn’t know what the future would bring for the two of them. But for now, he’d simply allow himself to feel happy. To bask in the warm love that was Choi Seungcheol. “Stay with me.”

“I wouldn’t dare turn down such an offer,” He hummed in response. “It’ll give us lots of time to practice our last kiss scene.”

“You’re so dedicated to your craft, Mr. Choi,” The vocalist teased, pulling the older in for another sweet kiss.


	10. Fade to Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw : Depictions & Mentions of sexual assault

“I think I might need more practice for that kiss scene,” Seungcheol hummed, arms snaking around the smaller boy.

“And here I thought director Park called that scene last week.”

“The other’s don’t need to know that,” The leader added cheekily, pulling Jeonghan close against his chest before kissing him properly. “So why don’t you help me work on my technique?”

“Only for you,” Jeonghan teased, tugging the leader down to capture his lips oncemore.

The past few weeks had been absolutely heavenly for Seungcheol. All this one-on-one time with Jeonghan, stealing kisses and sharing loving words between stages or scenes…he was soaking it all up as fast as he could, as if it would all disappear. Because Jeonghan _liked_ him, needed _him…_ and even if everything else was up in the air, that alone was enough to make him delirious with happiness.

It was a slow moving love, sure, but it was perfect for the leader. Jeonghan just needed _time_ , or so that’s what he told himself so constantly, knowing most people would be beyond simple kisses and a vague relationship status by now. But Jeonghan was barely even out to himself, and pushing him into a commitment would certainly be a recipe for disaster. He wanted to be Jeonghan’s only more than anything in the world…but if he let his greed known and it wasn’t mutual, he’d just be risking all that he already had. So for now Seungcheol enjoyed himself in this romantic limbo, caressing Jeonghan in his arms and silently promising to be enough for him one day soon.

“Hannie…” He whispered, trying not to show how affected he was by even the simplest of affections as his lover stroked his chest. “We have to go… they’re waiting for us next door.”

“The boys can handle themselves for 5 minutes, Seungcheol,” The smaller argued, giving his neck a playful nibble before returning to his lips, easily winning the leader over. Nobody would even notice they were missing, he rationalized. Hell, the only ones who ever checked numbers were Seungcheol and Jih-

“Cheol, are you coming to lunch with us?” Jihoon called down the hall, the doorknob to Seungcheol’s room rattling. _Speak of the devil._ The two tried to separate but found themselves a bit too slow, pressed up against each other as Jihoon so obliviously made his way in. That is, until he was the scene in front of him for what it was. “Cheo-o-oh…s-sorry, I didn’t know you were…” He started, not sure what to say in such a situation.

“Practicing! Just practicing,” Jeonghan covered, scrambling away from their leader. “We c-can go over lines again after lunch, right Seungcheol?” Jeonghan’s blush only grew more feverish as he raced down the hall, trying to put a bit of distance between him and the man he’d been caught with.

Seungcheol nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat before daring to speak. “Right.” As mortified as the leader was, there was at least something comforting about only being caught by Jihoon. Jihoon, who’d always been able to keep the leader’s darkest secrets. “Ji, I… I hope it goes without saying that-“

“You have my discretion.” Jihoon spoke up before the leader finished, and yet his mind seemed to be everywhere else. “I’d never put you in harm’s way.”

“I know that all too well,” Seungcheol pulled the smaller closer to him, gently mussing the top of his hair. “You’ve always been an amazing friend.

Jihoon scoffed at the wording, about to speak before they found themselves in front of the other members.

“Well, if it isn’t the two lovebirds, finally showing up!” Soonyoung called out teasingly, making all three men go pale at the wording. “Jihoon was wondering what was taking you so long to get ready.”

“Sorry for keeping you waiting, Jeonghan and I have just been so busy with this whole drama thing…”

Seokmin waived off their excuses without a worry. “You shouldn’t feel bad for us, hyung. We should be feeling bad for you two since you missed all the pork belly”

“I suppose we’ll survive,” Jeonghan hummed, nervously taking a seat a few away from the leader in a desperate attempt to avoid suspicion.

“It’s a good thing filming’s ending next week, hm?” Joshua asked before biting into a wrap. “You guys have been so busy these days.”

The two gave each other a shy glance before Seungcheol looked down at his food. “Yeah…suppose you could say that.”

“Next time you have a day off, we’ll have to go out and celebrate,” Seungkwan suggested, still completely oblivious on what the others around the table seemed to pick up on. “How about next Friday? Manager said we’d have a rest day.”

“Oh? That sounds great,“ Jeonghan started, only to be cut off by the leader.

“And it would be great, if we weren’t so busy” He added, eyes meeting Jeonghan’s own. “We have to go out and meet up with some of the senior actors. It’s a bit informal, so I guess that’s why it’s not on the schedule…”

“Oh, do we?” The vocalist grumbled a bit as he looked over at Seungkwan. “Sorry Seungkwan, raincheck?”

“Of course, just don’t overwork yourselves okay?”

Jihoon finally looked up from his food to chime in a quick warning. “And be careful out there. Dispatch has been insatiable lately. Wouldn’t want either of you getting mixed up in it.”

Seungcheol nodded slightly, understanding all too well what his friend was getting at. If anyone even thought there could be romance between the two bandmates, they wouldn’t be the only ones who would have to face the consequences.

“Not like we’ve got any juicy information for them,” Jeonghan shrugged, taking a bite of a dumpling. “Seventeen’s always been pretty scandal-free, right?”

“We wouldn’t do anything to Jeopardize that,” Seungcheol responded, the unease visible on his face. Perhaps all this time with his head in the clouds had blinded him from all the potential for all of this to go wrong. And when it did it would explode, taking the rest of Seventeen down with him.

* * *

“I didn’t know we had to meet up with any of the other cast members today,” Jeonghan grumbled, already feeling a bit jealous at the thought. When he looked at Eunwoo, all he could see was his hands expertly gliding along every inch of Seungcheol’s body. A body that was only Jeonghan’s to eventually feel up…or so he hoped.

Sure, there was no official label between them, but Seungcheol was _his._

…right?

“We’re not meeting up with anyone,” Seungcheol confessed with a shy smile. “I had to lie. How else could I steal you away for a real date?”

_A real date._ The notion made Jeonghan’s heart swell. Weeks of whispering and closed door affections, and they were finally going to do something like an actual couple.

“Oh. Cool.” Jeonghan tried to sound nonchalant, hoping the other couldn’t see just how hopelessly excited he was for such a thing. “Your treat, then?”

The leader grinned at the antics he’d learned to love a long time ago, wrapping an arm around the smaller. “Of course. I’m a gentleman, aren’t I?”

“So you think,” Jeonghan teased, cuddling up to the other’s side. “Where are we going, then? Somewhere private, I hope.”

“Very private,” He promised, holding the other a bit tighter. “Though I do hope you can excuse my fumbling…I’ve never actually been on a proper date before.”

“No way,” The vocalist shook his head at such a thought. “You’re totally lying to me. Not even in high school?”

Seungcheol pursed his lips at the thought. “I suppose I missed a lot of milestones as a trainee…and well, I'd just never had the right person before you.”

The thought admittedly made Jeonghan flustered, with the thought of Seungcheol’s own inexperience did seem to comfort him a bit. “Unfamiliar territory for us both, then.” He’d been on his fair share of dates in the past, sure, but Seungcheol was already a lot of his firsts. First date with a boy, the first man who’d ever made him question his sexuality.… and despite how happy he was that those experiences were with Seungcheol, he couldn’t help but have some anxiety from such an unprecedented event. How could he even know if he was ready for a boyfriend when he’d spent so much time blocking out thoughts of wanting one?

Seungcheol had been such an angel about everything, not pushing them too far from the start, not giving their relationship labels, always stopping at innocent affections…yet he couldn’t help but think it unfair to the older that he still didn’t know what he wanted. All he knew for certain was that he couldn’t bare to see Seungcheol with anyone else.

It didn’t take long for the two to make it to the private noraebang room, plenty of snacks and proper dishes already laid out for them. “I wanted to take you out for a nice dinner, but I knew someone would recognize us…” Seungcheol began to explain. “I brought dinner and drinks here. I know it’s not much, a-and you deserve so much more, but-“

“It’s perfect,” Jeonghan cut off the babbling older, taking a seat as he looked at the huge assortment prepared for him. “Singing, wine, pasta, sweets… you know me well, don’t you?”

“I sure hope I do after all this time,” He chuckled back, sitting beside the other boy as he grabbed hold of one of the glasses. “Cheers, Jeonghan.”

“Cheers.” The two clinked their glasses before taking a sip, the smaller cuddling against his leader before digging into some of their food. “Gosh…this is amazing, Cheol.”

Seungcheol looked over at the other with an adoring smile, just watching him happily eating before deciding to indulge himself as well. Maybe it was just the expensive food, but everything tasted more delicious simply because Jeonghan was there, eating so happily by his side. Street food would be a five star meal with such a view, he thought to himself, not able to hide just how hopelessly enamored he was.

“What are you looking at?” Jeonghan laughed shyly, feeling bare under Seungcheol’s doting gaze. “Did I get sauce on my mouth?”

Seungcheol shook his head, happiness welling up in his heart as he leaned against the smaller. “I love you.” The sudden admission was quiet, almost unassuming as he rested against the smaller. “I don’t know what I’ll do when we go back to having less time alone together…I love being by your side, Han.”

The sudden words made Jeonghan choke on his bite, cheeks reddening as he struggled with a response. “O-oh, I…”

“You don’t have to say it back,” The leader reassured, holding the smaller’s hand in his own. “I just can’t hold in how I feel about you, not again. I love you, Jeonghan. And I want you to be mine, whenever you feel that your heart’s ready.”

Jeonghan bit his lip to hide his sad smile, looking away from the other boy. “I don’t deserve you, Cheol. Handsome, loving, warm… you always put me first even when it hurts you… why is it that even when I don’t know what I want or who I am, you still want me of all people…?”

“Because I know you.” Seungcheol replied simply. “I know who you are, through and through. I know how good you are, how selfless you can be, how you deserve someone who can give you their heart without expecting anything in return. Even while you take time to figure yourself out, I’ll keep loving you. Not only the you that you are now, and the you that you’ll grow into in the future.”

“Seungcheol…” Jeonghan tried not to tear up at such a warm sentiment, one that seemed to erase so many of his lingering fears about love, sexuality, and commitment. All horrifying topics to the boy who barely knew where he stood in his own head, much less with the boy in front of him. But there was one thing that he knew for certain. “I want to be with you,” he admitted simply, cupping the taller’s cheeks. “I don’t know what I want in the future, I barely know what I want right now…all I know is that I want you to be there for it.”

Seungcheol gently leaned into the other’s affections, letting out a contented sigh. It took so long to get where they were, and now all he could do was bask in the small piece of happiness he was awarded.

“I can’t… say it yet,” Jeonghan confessed, his nerves all too clear by the way he bit his lip. “But thank you, Seungcheol. For loving me.”

Admittedly, loving Jeonghan hadn’t ever been an easy journey, but it was worth it. Every smile, every laugh, every kiss… he’d happily do it all over again just to experience such moments. “Thank you for letting me love you so fully, Jeonghan.”

Their noses affectionately brushed up together before Jeonghan finally leaned in for a chaste kiss. “Happily,” the vocalist sighed, letting the leader steal a few more kisses from his awaiting lips, each one more affectionate than the last. “I’m yours, Cheol.”

A rumble of excitement spilled past Jeonghan’s lips as their lips melded together, moving in perfect synchronicity. In the short time they’d been together the two must have kissed hundreds of times, and yet Jeonghan still couldn’t get enough. It was electric, the way he felt about the boy before him, practically pulling the leader on top of him in a bout of excitement. He needed endlessly more of Seungcheol, his body deciding that long before his mind could parse his love for the man. 

He wanted to be with Seungcheol. More than that, he wanted to be Seungcheol’s, to be promised a long future to cherish the way his leader so lovingly gazed upon him. It made him wonder what love was, and if there was even a feeling that could be more intense than what he already held for the leader before him. Could it get deeper than this, the pure need to be in Seungcheol’s warmth for as long as the universe would allow?

The truth was, Jeonghan couldn’t get enough of his lover, pressing flush up against him in a move all too bold. Their tongues expertly glided against each other, exploring every inch of the leader’s mouth as their bodies settled together like puzzle pieces. Seungcheol could see Jeonghan’s eager heart and ardently obliged to it, pressing him down against the couch and kissing him with even more fervor.

Jeonghan felt his breath quicken as he fell into his lustful haze, cheeks getting faintly pink as he felt his lover settle between his legs. A moan spilled past his lips and vibrated against the leader, happy purrs rewarded by Seungcheol’s hips devilishly rocking against the smaller’s own. Fingers teased the hem of his shirt before gliding underneath, cool touches shocking against his flushed skin and making the vocalist let out soft pants between kisses.

Pants that only intensified, muffled out by lips that instantaneously felt all too stifling. And suddenly the walls around him seemed to close in on him, loving touches by a man who adored him becoming lewd gropes in some disgusting display of control.

Jeonghan still remembered how those touches felt when they weren’t invited, how every touch now remained seared onto his body and forced into his mind even in a moment like this.

 _I didn’t even fight him off_ , he remembered so vividly. People were supposed to scream, fight, try. But he just laid there, resigned to his fate as if frozen solid. His body tensed, rigid and unusable as he was forced to be vulnerable to a complete stranger. The feeling of hands all over him, groping and grabbing every sacred place, laying a claim to a man who never wanted to be his.

_Why didn’t you say anything?_ He remembered that being the first thing his friend said to him once they’d finally taken him home. _If you didn’t want it, you should have said something. You looked like you wanted to go off with him, hyung._

And yet his mind screamed it countless times, begging and pleading despite nothing coming out but choked sobs.

_Why didn’t I say anything?_

_“_ Stop. _”_ The word stuck to Jeonghan’s throat as his chest heaved, struggling to get the words out between kisses. “ _Stop_.” The word was more concrete this time despite his shaky breath, feeble hands pressed against his lover’s chest as another quiet plea. He didn’t know when he started crying, only that now he couldn’t seem to stop.

Seungcheol was quick to scramble away from his lover, panic in his eyes as he saw the state of the man before him. A hand reached out for the other boy but quickly fell, scared to touch a boy that now felt more fragile than glass. Had he done something wrong?

“Hannie, breathe for me,” He spoke softly, watching as his love doubled over in chest wracking sobs. Between crying and shaking he couldn’t seem to get a single breath in, hands covering his face as he tried to calm himself down without the other’s eyes on him.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you baby. I’m sorry.” Seungcheol tried to move closer and take away one of Jeonghan’s hands, the smaller flinching at even the thought of such a movement. And so Seungcheol let the vocalist keep his distance, leaving him with only reassuring words. “Breathe in for me, good…inhale, hold it….exhale…hold…breathe for me baby, come back to me.”

“I…” _I’m sorry._ Jeonghan couldn’t get the words out as he struggled to control his breathing, gasping for air as he continued to listen to Seungcheol’s instructions.

_Inhale_

_Exhale_

_Breathe for me_

_Come back to me._

Soon he’s breathing properly again, head found buried between his knees as the vocalist’s sobs became silent tears. “I’m sorry,” Jeonghan finally managed to get out, too embarrassed to even look at Seungcheol’s face. Seungcheol must hate him, he thought, reacting like that when Seungcheol had only treated him with love and compassion. “I ruined our date…”

“No…I pushed you too far,” Seungcheol countered, once again trying to reach out for the smaller. And this time he didn’t flinch away, leaning in to the lightest brushes against his cheek. “I should have known you weren’t ready…I’m sorry I frightened you.”

“You don’t frighten me.” Jeonghan finally lifted his head, tears once again threatening to fall down his face. He nuzzled against Seungcheol’s hand, reaching up to cover it with his own and keep it even closer to him. Everything felt wrong, and yet Seungcheol’s love still felt right, eagerly cuddling against the one person who could make him feel safe. “It’s not you, it’s not… just…don’t like feeling powerless…” He could only hope Seungcheol understood his words, and that he wouldn’t have to relive such an incident any longer. He couldn’t bare such thoughts anymore. Seungcheol wasn’t _him_. Seungcheol was a man who would never hurt him, and this had only solidified that for him.

The leader nodded in understanding as he pulled the smaller into his arms, letting him fully relax against his strong frame. His hands raked down the vocalist’s back in a soothing manner as a few more tears fell from tired eyes, cuddling closer to Seungcheol’s broad chest. And Jeonghan finally felt safe like this, protected by someone who knew exactly how to make him feel better. His Seungcheol. “W-we could try again…if you want…” He peeled away slightly to see his lover’s expression, the look of concern not yet worn off the leader’s face.

“Let’s just take things slow,” He countered, placing a gentle kiss on the top of the Jeonghan’s head. “Please…don’t push yourself, not when you know I’ll wait for you regardless.”

_But I wanted it_. Jeonghan chided himself, the remembered feeling of Seungcheol on top of him giving him butterflies in his stomach now that he’d calmed down. He didn’t remember when things went sour, but he did know the feeling of being so impossibly close to leader. The thought of giving his all to someone who loved him was all too enticing, and he trusted Seungcheol with his entire being…so why couldn’t he go through with it when it was all he’d wanted?

There was a part of him felt unlovable, broken. His body had betrayed him and embarrassed him in front of the only man who’d ever loved him, showing Seungcheol all the most vulnerable parts of himself that he’d tried so hard to repress.

And Seungcheol loved him anyways, affectionate reassurances whispered in his ear and making his cheeks glow red. “You’re a good man, Seungcheol,” He spoke earnestly, resting his head against the leader’s chest and listening to his calming heartbeat.

“And I’m all yours, Han,” Seungcheol promised, rubbing gentle circles against his back.

“…still gunning to be mine after all that?” The words were meant to be lighthearted, but he couldn’t help his voice cracking at the end. He’d humiliated himself so much on their first date, and he wouldn’t blame the other if he chose to run for the hills now instead of later.

“I’ll always be yours.” Seungcheol’s words were soft as he rested his forehead against the smaller’s own. “My resolve isn’t weak enough for something so small to scare me away. All of me already belongs to you, Jeonghan, whether or not you’re mine.”

Jeonghan looked away to hide his blush, smile only growing despite his tears. “I’m yours, Seungcheol. You’ve got all of me, always.”

“Always sounds promising.”


	11. Subtext

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! This is a bit different than usual because it's a Jihoon centered plot that slightly diverts from the main story. If you're just here for the Jeongcheol feel free to skip and I'll see you next week ♡ Thanks so much for all the kudos and kind words lately!

Jihoon was no stranger to love. Love, the thing that could be his best friend or greatest adversary. Love, which to him never had any gender or reasoning, but came to him like a burst of light, blinding and unwavering.

He’d just started as a trainee when he met his first real love, a woman 7 years his senior with a voice like honey. She sang like it was the last thing she’d ever do, laying her heart bare on the stage with every performance, an angel in her own right that captivated anyone who heard her. He was just a kid, she never paid him any mind, and yet he was always thinking of her. He didn’t know when exactly he fell in love, but he remembered clearly the moment he realized how far gone he was.

_“Jihoon, I’m moving companies. I’ve wasted so much time here waiting for an opportunity, but they said if I signed with them I can debut this year. Isn’t it grand?”_

Unyeilding feelings filled his small body at that time, ones he’d never had to face before. Love, pain, loss, hopelessness. The knowledge that a sunbae ready to debut would never want the young boy still barely passing his singing exams. He was someone she’d taken on out of charity, not affection.

“I’m so happy for you.” The words came out simply, nonchalantly. As if everything Jihoon had ever wanted wasn’t crumbling apart before his eyes.

He wanted to be taken seriously. He wanted to be a man in the eyes of the one he loved, even if he knew it would never be enough. And so began his race to built up walls around himself, so dense and resolute that nobody would ever break past them again. The way he loved was more than just a light; it was flying to the sun and expecting not to get burned. It was with an intensity so searing that Jihoon knew all that could come from it was immolation.

Jihoon had to be hard, had to be uncaring; it was the only way to stay sane in a world that seemed to gloss over his very being.

But then it happened. _He_ happened. As suddenly as the clouds came to rain on his love, so did they part for Choi Seungcheol.

“If you keep frowning like that your face is just gonna get stuck there, you know.” The older’s bubbly nature after such heartbreak made Jihoon roll his eyes. “You’re a handsome guy even with a pout, but I’m not sure you can make it in the idol business without being able to smile. Unless they have some new surgery to unstick it, seems there’s always some new thing…”

Jihoon looked at the stranger with his best glare, hoping the other could see that now simply wasn’t the time for his useless babbling. “Leave me alone.”

“And let you be sad by yourself?” He scoffed incredulously at such an idea. “Not a chance.”

“Don’t you have some friends to sit with or something?”

“I have you,” He offered with a gentle smile. “I’m Seungcheol, by the way. You’re Jihoon, right? I’ve seen you at practice.”

“You’re not my friend, and you can’t fix this.”

“So I’ll have to try on both accounts.”

_Choi Seungcheol_. A boy he didn’t want to see during such a vulnerable moment, and yet soon became the only face he wanted to see when he felt so small. A man with so much love and compassion in his heart, who was so ready to give it to everyone in a moment’s notice. Someone so selfless that it was hard for Jihoon to not let his guard down around him.

Unlike the with the many unobtainable woman and men he loved previously, Jihoon knew the very moment that he fell in love with Choi Seungcheol. Christmas day, the first year that they knew each other. They were two of the only people in their company not going home for the break, having just barely saved up enough to visit their families on Chuseok in the months prior.

Loveless, friendless, and familyless in Seoul, the two boys held their own celebration, as little as it was. They’d pooled all their money into splitting a cup of instant black bean noodles, scarfing them down faster than it took for them to cool down. An empty dorm room, a blizzard roaring outside, and Seungcheol laying on the heated floor beside him, they laid splayed out as they tried to make the night alright.

“Oh! You forgot to open your present, Ji.”

Jihoon arched a brow at the thought. “A present?” He asked, sitting up to look down at the older. They’d barely even had time or money to hold such a barren celebration, and now there were gifts?

“Under the, uh, tree.” Seungcheol lazily rolled onto his stomach, propping his head on his hands as the younger followed his eyes to a makeshift tree, simply printed out paper taped to the wall. And underneath it was indeed a present, perfectly wrapped in the exact shape of the item so that Jihoon could make it out before even daring to open it.

“A cola?”

“Excuse me? It’s so much more than that.” Seungcheol waited until the boy began unwrapping to speak up again. “It’s cherry cola. I had to go to, like, 3 different convenience stores to find one. In a blizzard, nonetheless!”

The fake exasperation in the older was far too obvious, and it was hard for Jihoon not to laugh, almost doubling over at the thought. Seungcheol must have spent so long wrapping it in the perfect shape just to make some quick joke. And yet the foolish joke brought them so much happiness on such a bleak day, the older’s positivity infectious upon the younger.

“I love your laugh,” The leader mentioned with a smile, quite content that his gift had turned the mood around for the better.

“I love you,” Jihoon countered, the words coming out far more easily than they ever should have. And yet, he meant every word of it. He loved Seungcheol. He loved how gentle he was, How much effort he put into keeping everyone happy. How he would walk through a blizzard and spend his last two-thousand won on a cola just to make Jihoon feel like he wasn’t alone.

He loved every facet of Choi Seungcheol, fully and hopelessly.

“I love you too, Ji,” Seungcheol hummed, pulling the other into his strong arms in such a way that he wanted to just melt into them. “Even when your family’s far… I hope you know I’ll always be around. We’re brothers too, in a way.”

Too close to the sun once more, he could feel the scalding pain of rejection even from such loving words.

More than anyone else, Seungcheol was a wound that only seemed to keep opening. He’d tried so many times to shut him out to no avail, the leader always creeping back in and warming every recess of his heart. He’d fallen so hopelessly that he knew there’d never be any way out.

And Seungcheol just continued being Seungcheol, continued showing just as much love and adoration for everyone else who entered their friend group and eventually their band. Jihoon wasn’t special; it was something he knew well already. But seeing it so blatantly still made his heart hurt.

It wasn’t until Jeonghan, though, that he knew it was all hopeless.

The way Seungcheol acted when he came into a room, the way he bent over backwards to keep him happy. The way Jeonghan made Seungcheol blush, really blush, his cheeks reddening in a way Jihoon had never seen from the leader. _He’s never looked at me like that._

Love was never a rational thing; if it was, Seungcheol would have gone for someone like Jihoon, someone so painfully into him for so long. If it was, Seungcheol would have been able to cut his losses with Jeonghan and find someone who wanted him. Or maybe Jihoon could have finally walked away, to meet someone who loved him just as strongly as he loved Seungcheol for all those years.

But that was never how love worked.

Maybe that was why Jihoon still kept the hope that Seungcheol would come to him one day, to finally see what was right in front of him this whole time.

That was, of course, before the fiasco of yesterday’s lunchtime had worn him down. He’d only meant to peek into Seungcheol’s room, to check in on him…and yet when he came in Jeonghan was practically on top of him, sharing loving kisses and happy smiles before his very eyes.

Sure, the other boys joked about how they’d be a couple any day, about how close they’d gotten through their roles…but Jihoon didn’t imagine it would be like this. Jeonghan had always made his lack of feelings for Seungcheol blatant, and yet there he was, treating Seungcheol’s affection as a mere convenience. Taking the man he loved was one thing, but not appreciating his worth was something that would eat him up inside. Seungcheol was deserving of so much, could Jeonghan really give that to him when even Jihoon couldn’t? He was the one who kept Seungcheol’s secrets, who he relied on, who made sure the leader was taken care of after he’d exhausted himself taking care of everyone else…

“Earth to Jihoon…Ji, you in there?” Soonyoung waived his hand over Jihoon’s face with a curious expression, no doubt wondering about his near catatonic state. Jihoon simply couldn’t handle anything more, hyper focused on the loss of a love he never truly even had a grasp on. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird, ever since-”

“Get out of my room.” Jihoon cut the other off, not ready to hear any utterance of Seungcheol’s name. He just needed time. Time to heal the decade of love he held for their leader.

“Jihoon…” Soonyoung’s hand reached out to hold the smaller’s own, moving closer to him. “Talk to me?”

Yet Jihoon was quick to retract his hand, looking away from the other boy. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“You don’t think so?” Soonyoung countered but bit his tongue, not wanting Jihoon to push him away by uttering the wrong words. “How about I just order us some pizza and we can just…play some video games? You know, get your mind off it?”

“You don’t get it…it’s not that simple.”

“Then help me get it, Jihoon. Talk to me. I’ll let you beat me at smash bros if you tell me what’s on your mind.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes at the thought, only scooting farther away. “Everything’s such a damn joke to you. Look - I’m not in the mood to entertain your childish thoughts today, okay?” Perhaps the words came out too sharply in his bad mood, something Jihoon only noticed when he looked up to face the other.

Soonyoung took a deep breath to compose himself, trying not to say anything he’d regret. “I’m here because I care about you, Jihoon. Call me childish, foolish, whatever, but I’m the one who has your back at the end of the day.”

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon started his apology, but it was easily cut off by the other boy.

“Do you see anyone else here, Ji? Is your beloved Seungcheol rushing over to check on you?” The words spewed with venom despite how much the older was trying to keep it in, true thoughts bubbling up to the surface after repressing them for so long. Jihoon should know who was really on his side.

“Don’t bring him into this.”

“Right, because you’re the only one who gets to drag his name into everything.” The pointed words made Jihoon feel exposed, fingernails digging into the palm of his hand to distract from them. Why was Soonyoung being like this? Soonyoung always played things off and joked around…so why was the air between them so tense? “He’s out there sucking faces with Jeonghan, you think he’s going to stop just because you got hurt?”

“Stop.”

“You’re whipped for the guy, sure, but while you’re sulking over him he’s probably got Hannie hyung up against th-“

“I said stop!” He didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t need another person telling him what he already knew. That he was never the person in Seungcheol’s heart. And he never would be, now that Jeonghan seemed to return his feelings. They were happy together, and now Seungcheol didn’t need Jihoon trailing around him, pretending not to love every second the leader’s affections were concentrated on him.

Part of him wanted to curse Seungcheol. He had no right to look at people with such engaging eyes, making them feel like the only person in the universe. It made Jihoon weak in the knees, and yet to Seungcheol it was nothing. They were nothing. “Did you just come in here to rub it in my face? To tell me that everyone’s too wrapped up in their own lives to care about how I feel? Because I promise you, I’ve already noticed.”

Soonyoung looked over at the smaller, surprised to see the angry tears that welled up and threatened to spill. “No, Jihoon, I just…” He started, sighing softly as he tried to express himself. “I care, you know. I’ve seen it get harder for you, and I just wanted to come over and tell you that I care.”

“And the best way for you to do that is mocking me for not being able to win over the man I love?”

“No, that’s not…” Soonyoung let out an annoyed grumble, more bothered by himself than anything else. He’d never been good at the serious stuff, the spill your heart out genuineness that made Jihoon fall so hard for their leader. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I’m just upset…I don’t like watching him hurt you.”

Jihoon looked away from the other boy, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “He doesn’t mean to. It’s not like I’ve been forthcoming about how I feel.”

“You’re even shielding him about things like that, huh?” Soonyoung let out a chuckle, yet never managed to smile. “You’re so whipped.”

“S-shut up.”

Soonyoung was the only soul Jihoon had ever dared tell about his feelings for Seungcheol. And not because he wanted to, per se; the dancer just had an astounding habit of showing up where he wasn’t wanted. Watching every time Jihoon took second and third glances at the leader, paired themselves for group exercises, and defended him from the scrutiny of other trainees. It didn’t take long to put two and two together. And it took even less to find out where Seungcheol’s affection was.

“I didn’t mind your crush so much before, but with the drama and all…I can see he’s hurting you, Jihoon. It makes me feel so helpless.”

For once, Jihoon finally met the other’s eyes. “Nobody’s asking you to help, Soonyoung.”

“I want to.” The taller sighed, slumping against his friend. “I don’t know how to make things easier for you…but I’ll be here until I find out, so you better not get sick of me.”

“Why do you care?”

The question made Soonyoung pause, not expecting such words. Didn’t everyone already know why he tortured himself to make Jihoon smile, whether it be by acting a fool or simply having his back? “I suppose I’m as dumb as you, Jihoon,” He teased with a grin. “We all have weak spots for the ones we love.”

“Stop playing with me.” Jihoon rolled his eyes, playfully nudging the other boy.

“No playing here, Ji.”

The smaller’s smile faded as he saw the sincerity on the other boy’s face, one which made him pause for longer than he should have. “Oh,” He started, unsure what to say. Soonyoung liked him? After all the times he’d pushed the dancer away… he liked Jihoon of all people? “I’m sorry, but I…”

Despite the implied rejection, Soonyoung’s smile stayed blindingly radiant, waiving the other’s apology off before it even began. “I know, I know. Seungcheol’s your man. I’ve heard it maybe a million times.” Despite trying to keep everything lighthearted, Jihoon was sure he saw that smile falter. “Doesn’t mean I can’t still try to keep you smiling, Jihoon.”

The younger never thought he’d have someone in his court, much less a boy like Soonyoung. Someone who pined after him and searched for his happiness just like Jihoon did for the man he loved. It made him feel warm inside, noticing all he’d brushed aside as simple helpfulness that meant so much more. Soonyoung loved him… the goofy boy that could make him laugh when he was ready to cry, the man who always listened and never judged… “I don’t want to take advantage…o-of your feelings, I mean. I know how it feels…-”

“Then you’ll just have to repay me someday,” He grinned in response, arm cheekily snaking around the other boy’s shoulder. “A romantic dinner, movies and popcorn, I’m not _too_ picky.”

Leave it to Soonyoung to make him laugh in a time like this, Jihoon thought, readily embracing the other’s affections with a chuckle. To be the pursued for once…it left him with a radiating warmth that didn’t seem to quit. And while his heart still beat for Seungcheol, he began to think maybe it was time to take a step away from his love, to celebrate the leader's reciprocated feelings for Jeonghan instead of scorning them. Seungcheol was happy - happier than he'd ever been around Jihoon - and he'd just have to find some sort of way to accept that. 

“Baby steps, Soonyoung,” Jihoon countered with a smile, quickly leaning in to press a peck to the dancer’s cheek. “That one’s a thanks for all the boy drama I’ve put you through.”

Soonyoung looked radiant like this, smiling back so wide that his eyes formed into happy crescents and a pinkish glow to his cheeks that wouldn’t dissipate. “If I’m getting repaid for hearing you gush about Cheol, I think that warrants about a hundred more before we’re even.” With the playful glare of Jihoon upon him, though, he quickly retracted the sentiment. “Baby steps,” He repeated instead, holding Jihoon closer against him.

The dancer felt so warm that Jihoon couldn’t resist nuzzling up closer, letting out a tired sigh. It had been such a roller coaster of a week, and he wasn’t sure if he could even take anymore of this heart to heart stuff. Seeing his love with another, letting go of Seungcheol, trying to understand Soonyoung’s heart…none of it was easy to parse. And what if he gave the dancer a chance just for him to leave him heartbroken once again?

“Soonyoung, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I _can_ do.” He admitted, conflicted heart showing in his eyes.

Soonyoung shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, not wanting to put more pressure on the boy. “We could play some smash bros…I already promised you a win.”

“No, Soonie, I meant-“ Jihoon started, before finally understanding the dancer’s offer. Soonyoung wasn’t pushing him to tear his heart away from Seungcheol, or to reciprocate his feelings…he just wanted to make it better for the man he loved. Being adored was a foreign feeling still, and yet he couldn't help but enjoy it slightly.

“…I call kirby.”

“You’re on, Ji.”


	12. Crecendo

Seungcheol couldn’t remember the last time he’d properly watched a romance movie. Not that he was even watching this time _really_ , his mind far too preoccupied with the feeling of Jeonghan cozying up to him. But how could part his eyes away from the angel by his side? Everything just felt so _right_ like this, off in their own little world. No worries, no pressure, just him and the man he loved.

Who would’ve thought he’d ever get this far. And with Yoon Jeonghan, nonetheless.

Their legs tangled together on the bed as the smaller nuzzled infinitely closer, the contented sigh from the vocalist making Seungcheol smile down at him. God he was whipped, and he was loving every second of it.

Jeonghan tilted his head to look at the older, a surprised shade of pink covering his cheeks as he saw the leader already gazing down at him. “So much for watching the movie,” He teased, hand raising to cup his lover’s cheek.

“You’re a much better view.” Seungcheol could feel Jeonghan’s radiating warmth as he pressed closer, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. “I love you, Jeonghan.”

“Cheol,” The other boy sighed out, avoiding the other’s gaze as the words danced around his head.

He’d been confessed to plenty of times, sure: high school girlfriends, obsessive fans…but nothing ever felt as real as when Seungcheol said it. The words were heavy without being burdensome, the weight of what he promised along with them all too known. Seungcheol was ready to give every part of himself to the man he loved, in any way Jeonghan needed.

Normally, he’d revel in such a feeling; soaking up the feeling of being needed and excitedly feeding his admittedly fragile ego with the adoration of others. His need for love was selfish and he knew it well, taking as much as he could while giving as little as he had to, protecting his pride and preparing for the moment that they’d inevitably tire of him.

And they’d always tire of him, Jeonghan’s self-fulfilling prophecy put back in motion oncemore.

But Seungcheol had been in this for too long to give up on him that easily, Jeonghan knew it well. And within the decade of falling for each other, he didn’t have time to notice all of his walls falling down with the man before him.

There was nowhere to hide when Seungcheol laid his heart bare, and it was somehow both beautiful and terrifying. Did he love Seungcheol? After all he’d gone through…did he have the capacity to love anyone anymore?

“You deserve so much more than I can give,” He thought aloud, wondering what in the world could compel such a man to love him.

“I only want you, Han. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

“Promise?” Jeonghan’s voice came out meeker than expected, secret insecurities bubbling up to the surface as he pressed closer to his love. He couldn’t risk getting more attached to Seungcheol…and yet every word out of his mouth made the singer’s heart leap.

The leader’s breath faltered slightly as Jeonghan teased his sensitive neck, breath growing heavier as he tilted his head to the side. “Always.”

“I’m so lucky you’re mine, Choi Seungcheol,” The vocalist purred, giving a playful nip to the nape of his neck and causing the leader to let out a small hum of approval. An approval that Seungcheol tried to hide, knowing just how bad it would be to have Jeonghan tease him more.

Maybe Jeonghan didn’t know love…but he knew that what they had was something that came once in a lifetime.

“Han…” The name came out like a moan, one that sent shivers down Jeonghan’s spine. He’d never heard the leader sound so wanton before, his name sounding like a swear on his lover’s lips. And it felt powerful, seeing the sides of Seungcheol that nobody else got to see, pushing him further to see just how Seungcheol sounded moaning under him…

“Jeonghan.” The word came out a bit harsher this time as Seungcheol lightly pressed against his chest, trying to gently push his lover away. This was dangerous, he thought to himself, jovial hickeys littered against the side of his neck as he tried not to get to excited from the affections. Maybe it was all just innocent, but Seungcheol couldn’t push Jeonghan too far again, not when it seemed so painful for him the last time.

And yet Jeonghan seemed to have an uncanny way of making Seungcheol crave more of him, breath hot against his neck as the smaller’s teeth playfully grazed over all of his sweet spots. The leader took deep breaths to calm himself from his lover’s experimental actions, but he knew his composure was done for as he felt a playful nip to his ear. A quiet moan spilled passed his lips before pushing away from his partner, hoping the bit of distance would calm himself down.

“We should stop.” He said simply, trying not to let his voice waver. Seungcheol’s thighs pressed against each other harshly as he tried to will away his excitement, acting like he didn’t already lust over the boy in front of him constantly. “I don’t want to push you.”

“So I can push you instead?” Jeonghan teased, running his hand up the older’s thigh and pretending not to see how Seungcheol’s arousal twitched against his jeans.

“N-not funny.” Seungcheol’s body was already begging for more of the vocalist, his hips jerking up as he tried to restrain himself for his lover’s sake. “I told you I’d wait for you, Jeonghan.”

“How can I prove to you that I’m ready?” The smaller countered softly, moving up to straddle his lover’s hips. As much as Seungcheol tried to hold back, Jeonghan could already feel the leader’s excitement pressing up against him. “I wanted it back then, Seungcheol,” He spoke against his lover’s ear, hoping to ease his worry as his hips pressed back against his clothed length. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it. You making love to me, moaning for me…” Strong arms pinning him down, the contrast between rough lovemaking and gentle kisses, the way Seungcheol would moan his name…just thinking about it had become all consuming.

But Seungcheol was different from other guys, more careful and less experienced…and with the incident at the noraebang still fresh, he simply knew that the leader wouldn’t cross the boundaries that Jeonghan had accidentally made.

And part of that meant that Jeonghan would simply have to cross those boundaries himself.

“Jeonghan,” The name came out as a low moan, one that made the vocalist shiver in delight. “Are you sure…you’re ready?” Seungcheol pushed back oncemore, knowing he wouldn’t have enough resolve left in him to ask again.

“I want to be yours, Cheol,”Jeonghan purred in response, tugging the older’s shirt up and over his head to prove his point further. He never realized how much Seungcheol had grown from when they first met, his lanky physique now toned and muscled. No wonder so many girls drooled over his stages, he thought, fingers lightly dancing around the tight musculature and admiring the body before him. Seungcheol was devilishly handsome, and he was all Jeonghan’s to claim.

Arguing further under Jeonghan’s exploratory touches was more impossible than Seungcheol would have imagined, not used to such affections on him. It was overwhelming in the best possible way, how Jeonghan’s hands seemed to be everywhere. His body already needed more, begged for the leader to just shove Jeonghan against the bed and take him…and maybe he would if it were anyone else. But Jeonghan needed time and reassurance, and Seungcheol was happy to give it to him.

Hell, he’d been waiting 6 years already for this moment, so what was a little longer?

Six years waking up from wet dreams right beside Jeonghan, six years of checking him out in changing rooms and unfulfilled fantasies … all somehow culminating into this gorgeous view of Jeonghan atop him, panting softly as he grinded against the leader.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted you,” Seungcheol could barely catch his breath to speak, voice taking on a husky tone as he pulled Jeonghan forward to kiss him.

“I’ve got some idea,” Jeonghan smirked against the leader’s lips, straddling his thick thighs and pressing back against his now clearly hard length. No matter how much of a gentleman the leader was trying to be, his body couldn’t lie about how desperate he was for the one before him. “How about you finally show me, Cheol.”

_Bold words for someone so new to this_ , Seungcheol thought, but didn’t dare question it. His resolve easily withered away, the need to be close to Jeonghan triumphing over any rational thought.

“Gladly,” He purred in response, hands gliding up toned thighs before working their way to the younger’s zipper. There was a bit of hesitation as the leader played with his waistband, experimentally dipping his fingers past the elastic to touch the skin underneath. As much as Seungcheol wanted to be a suave lover for the one he adored, he couldn’t help but be nervous. If his first time wasn’t already nerve-wracking, the fact that it was with someone so important certainly was.

“It’s okay, Cheol,” Jeonghan spoke, as if sensing the caution in his touches. “I know you won’t hurt me.” The leader was kind of cute like this, he thought, watching him lose his composure in a mix of lust and nerves. Perhaps it was all his fault for freaking out earlier, but seeing him like this only cemented what he was already so sure of: he trusted Seungcheol with every part of his being.

And what better way to show it than give him every part of himself.

With Jeonghan’s gentle reassurance Seungcheol managed to move his hand down, wrapping it around the base of the vocalist’s length and eliciting a quiet hum of anticipation. The feeling of Jeonghan’s precum dripping down against his fingers made his own length twitch, knowing that he wasn’t the only one desperate for more. 

“Seungcheol.” The sound of his name on Jeonghan’s lips felt heavenly like this, his movements quickening in excitement as he pushed back against Seungcheol’s clothed body. Like this it was easy to let his leader take control, tugging down his pants and boxers to give the older more room to let his touches roam. Despite how calculated his actions had been to instigate the leader Jeonghan only fell more under his control with every movement, hips jerking up as hot breaths rang out against the older’s ear. “Oh god, C-cheol…” He gasped out, letting pleasure take over as he pulled the leader atop him in a plea to keep going.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Seungcheol whispered sweetly, part of him still terrified to hurt the one he loved. But with each mewl growing more and more wanton, the idea of stopping was clearly from the vocalist’s mind, writhing in pleasure underneath even the most gentle touches.

“D-don’t…don’t stop…”

Jeonghan’s cute pleas made Seungcheol’s heart flutter even in his lustful haze, the need to make the vocalist his growing with every moment. But he didn’t dare rush, not with Jeonghan. Not after he’d spent so long thinking of just what he’d do when he finally got Jeonghan under him. “I love you,” The leader whispered, his attention leaving the smaller’s lips to trail soft kisses down his neck. “I love your stubbornness, your voice, your wit…”

The vocalist blushed as Seungcheol made his way down further, all the while whispering loving words that made his cheeks burn. “Seungcheol…” He began with intent to tease his lover’s cheesy words, but all coherent thoughts became scrambled as the leader moved lower still, playful kicks and kisses scattered along his twitching sex. “ _Seungcheol_.” The name became a mantra as Jeonghan rocked up his hips in need, begging for more of the man’s affections. It had been so long since he’d had someone in his bed, and even longer since he’d had someone who knew and loved the real him like the leader.

Certainly nobody whose mouth felt so inviting, the sheer action of rolling his hips inside the warmth making his head fall back in delight. It was almost unfair how good Seungcheol was at this, his head bobbing eagerly to elicit more sweet moans from the vocalist laid out before him. Jeonghan’s hands raked through his hair as he rocked his hips up, making the older slightly choke as he sought out even more pleasure. “Oh god,” he mewled out in delight, eyes hazy from want as he gazed down at the leader. “M-more…I need you.”

The words elicited a happy rumble from the older, one that vibrated against Jeonghan’s length and through every inch of his body. It felt like a dream, Jeonghan begging for more of him, and yet the smaller’s trembling thighs against his cheeks reminded him just how real it was. “Patience, my love,” Seungcheol purred as he pulled away, kisses going even lower. “Trust me.”

And so he did, whining slightly at the loss of Seungcheol’s tongue before feeling it pressing against his awaiting entrance. The sensation made him gasp in surprise as the leader started moving, tentatively circling it to let the smaller adjust before dipping his tongue deeper for more.

“A..ah…” He whimpered softly at the foreign feeling, wriggling his hips to get more comfortable. It was embarrassing, someone he liked so much giving him such special attention there, his face heating up as he felt the hot muscle working him open. And soon he found himself pushing back against that daring tongue, inhibitions melting as discomfort turned into a pleasure that he’d never experienced before. Seungcheol knew what he was doing, expert tongue working all the tension out of his body nerve by nerve, whimpers soon turning to excited mewls.

Seeing the smaller relax against him only made Seungcheol more bold, letting one of his fingers prod against him inside, all the while checking on his lover above when he began to tense again. He knew just how nervous Jeonghan was about all of this after what he’d been through, and he couldn’t afford to make any mistakes like last time. His first with Jeonghan had to be perfect, and that meant taking things as slow as their wanton bodies would allow. But it was torturous like this, his clothed body rutting against the bed as he spoiled the smaller’s own, desperation growing at every whisper of his name. Jeonghan was making it too hard to wait, working another finger inside his lover as he reveled in the smaller’s delight.

This time there was no tension as his fingers curled up against the smaller’s walls, Jeonghan's body going slack as he let out a moan lewd enough to surprise both of them. “Cheol, please,” he whimpered as he rocked his hips, taking his pleasure into his own hands as he repeatedly guided Seungcheol’s fingers to his prostate. The pleasure was blinding, with Jeonghan crying out in bliss each time he touched that unfamiliar spot inside him.

“More,” he begged as his mind became hazy, lust taking over as all he could think about was getting more of Seungcheol inside him. And Seungcheol easily obliged, fingers massaging his sweet spot in a way that made Jeonghan’s toes curl. He felt delirious with pleasure and yet he still wanted more, imagining how irresistible Seungcheol would feel inside of him, how he’d reach even deeper inside him than his fingers could even _dare_ , how he’d finally be connected to his one and only…

Jeonghan tried to cry out for his leader and yet his voice failed him, back arching up in bliss as orgasm ripped through his body with an intensity he’d never felt before. Ropes of cum spilled on his chest as he continued to ride the leader’s fingers, finally coming to a still as he came down from such a high. “Seungcheol,” He panted out as he pulled the older up to face him, kissing him breathlessly as hands raked through his hair. His body was spent, and yet even feeling Seungcheol’s clothed member against him was enough to crave even more. “I want you.”

Seungcheol smiled against his lover’s lips, certainly not expecting him to be begging for more after such an intense first time. Not that he’d complain, of course. Jeonghan was all he’d wanted for far too long, and he wasn’t sure he could ever pass up his love begging for him.

The leader quickly slipped off what was left of his clothes, his strained length easily springing up out of his boxers once they were kicked to the side. God, what a sight he was, Jeonghan thought to himself, noting just how strong Seungcheol’s arms looked when they were on either side of him. Strong arms, toned chest, thick thighs…he had to refrain himself from drooling as he not so subtly checked out the man that was now his. Had he always been this gorgeous? Perhaps Jeonghan was only painfully oblivious to the greek god-like proportions of his boyfriend when they weren’t pressed right up against each other, hands roaming across each other’s bodies as if it was what they were always meant to do.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” Seungcheol voiced in a tone as sweet as honey, pressing a soft kiss to the vocalists temple before lining himself up at his entrance.

The simple action already made Jeonghan shiver in anticipation, licking his lips at what was to come. “I’m not fragile, Cheol,” He promised, but he had to admit that the sheer size of the older did give him a mix of nervousness and excitement. “Please, baby.”

Seungcheol stole a few more kisses from his lover’s lips before nodding at his words, giving the smaller time to back out if he didn’t want to push any farther. Yet there was only so long he could wait with Jeonghan underneath him, bare and begging, before his growing need would make the decision for him. He held the smaller’s hips as he slowly pushed inside, the tight walls eagerly engulfing the head of his length and making him growl in need. The older went painfully slow, inch by torturous inch until he was fully seated inside the younger, tight heat squeezed against him so deliciously that he could hardly stand it. Yoon Jeonghan was his, he realized despite his wanton haze, the vocalist finally trusting him with every part of his body and soul. “Oh shit, Jeonghan,” He sighed out in delight, pressing gentle kisses to the smaller’s lips as he waited for him to adjust. “I-is this okay?”

Jeonghan nodded slightly, his face still scrunched up in a slight wince that only faded with the growing number of kisses. Thank God Seungcheol had patience, he thought to himself, body stretched far more than it had ever been as he struggled to get used to the feeling of Seungcheol inside him. With the slight sting of pain came the excitement of being with his only, something that made it all too easy to endure. Soon the pain easily shifted into pleasure, the feeling of the leader’s cock twitching against his walls enough to make him purr in want. “M-move,” He begged, adding a gentle roll of his hips that made them both moan.

With a plea like that it was nearly impossible for the older to hold back, his hips cautiously starting to roll back against Jeonghan’s own. The vocalist’s eyes were already blown out with lust by the time Seungcheol could even think of moving faster, the pure feeling of carnal pleasure finally getting to them both after such a long time teasing each other.

“Cheol…” Seungcheol could barely handle the sound of Jeonghan’s precious moans like this. His name a sultry demand to stop holding back on him, punctuated by the feeling of Jeonghan wrapping his legs around the older, forcing him deeper inside at a pace that made them both see stars. And the older easily obliged, letting himself succumb to all he’d ever wanted. He didn’t have to hold back anymore, not when they finally had all the time in the world to be one.

His hips snapped up harshly and Jeonghan’s cries were quick to follow, nails digging into the leader’s back in an attempt to keep him closer still. Jeonghan couldn’t get enough of the unrestrained Seungcheol, hips rolling up to meet his rough thrusts at every move.

“Oh fuck, S-Seungcheol…!” He was never this loud in bed, and yet Seungcheol managed to pull it out of him, to tease him until all the could do was beg to be taken. But it’s Seungcheol hitting his sweet spot dead on that makes Jeonghan scream his name with such fervor, cries muffling against his lover’s lips as he continued to pound against the spot that already made him cum once before. “Oh my god, like that…!”

Any thought about keeping quiet fell away with the abuse of his prostate, with Seungcheol looking quite pleased with himself at the trembling state of his lover, completely blissed out as tension built up inside him. Jeonghan was already close again and the leader knew it well, not letting up on his efforts to completely ruin all of Jeonghan’s composure through his harsh, well placed movements. His legs spread open further and Seungcheol took the opportunity to wrap his hand around his neglected length, stroking it in time with his thrusts.

“You’re so damn beautiful, Hannie,” he moaned out against Jeonghan’s ear, his voice lowered in a way that gave the singer goosebumps. Perhaps he’d have time to be flattered by such words if he wasn’t coming undone at his seams from the older’s treatment. “Don’t hold back on me, my love. Cum for me.”

Jeonghan didn’t need to be told, what little sanity he had left already faltering as Seungcheol spoke. With a final cry of his lover’s name he spilled onto himself once more, hips jerking in bliss and overstimulation as Seungcheol continued to pound into him. “S-Seungcheol!”

Seungcheol pulled the singer closer as he moved, eyes bleary with lust as he felt Jeonghan’s own orgasm wracking through him, squeezing his length even tighter with each harsh thrust. “Jeonghan,” He moaned out as he held the smaller, holding out as long as he could before lust completely took him over. With one last jerk of his hips he buried completely inside the younger, his head lolling back in bliss as thick spurts of cum coated his lover’s insides.

“Oh f-fuck, Cheol…” Jeonghan panted out as their chests heaved against each other, feeling so full that it made his mind go numb. “S-shit…I love you…” The words spilled out as if they were second nature to the smaller’s haze, mumbling against soft kisses as his legs continued to tremble from the aftermath of their lovemaking.“G-gods…” The aftershocks of everything only made him pull his lover closer, sighing happily as he felt closer to his one than ever before.

In his exhaustion, it took a moment for the leader to even understand the gravity of such words, a quick “I love you too, baby,” sleepily mumbled out in response before it even hit him.

“Wait…what did you say?” A goofy smile played on his face as the thought gradually sunk in, waiting to hear such perfect words once more.

The realization of his words were only beginning to sink in for Jeonghan, however, his cheeks only getting redder by the moment. Had he said that out loud? “I…ah…” He started, trying to find an excuse for saying such a thing. But in the end, the truth still won out. How could what they had be anything but love? “I love you… I love you more than you could imagine.”

Jeonghan didn’t know the older could look any happier until those words, his smile never faltering as he held the smaller against his chest. “God, Jeonghan…I’m crazy about you.” Their foreheads rested against each other as the leader let out a contented sigh.

“Does that mean you’re not getting rid of me any time soon?” The vocalist half-teased, a smile playing on his face despite his own insecurities.

“I’ve always been yours, Han,” Seungcheol promised in return. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

“So I’ve found out.” Jeonghan remembered just how hard it was trying to shake his feelings for Seungcheol, trying to keep the boy at an arm’s length and not fall into his alluring gaze. Even when denying himself so hard, Seungcheol only became more resolved on his feelings for the boy. “Thank you…for being mine. For waiting for me.”

Seungcheol shared a few sleepy kisses with his lover, smiling against his lips. “I’d wait a lifetime for you, my one.”

“No more waiting,” The vocalist promised, curling up against the leader’s broad chest. “I love you.”

The older didn’t know if he’d ever get used to such words, his heart racing in his chest to the point he could only hope Jeonghan couldn’t hear. “Get some rest, my one. I don’t want to be the reason you’re exhausted for our shoot tomorrow.”

“I’d love for you to be the reason I’m exhausted tomorrow,” Jeonghan teased, hips playfully rolling against the other’s own with newfound confidence. “Wouldn’t you?”

The vocalist let out a surprised squeak as he was pressed further into the bed, a soft giggle replaced by a moan as Seungcheol rolled his hips in retaliation. “Don’t tease me, my love. Now that you’re all mine, I’m not sure I can hold back when you talk like that.”

“Who’s teasing?” The vocalist grinned, pulling the older down for another passionate kiss.


	13. And, Scene.

A Seventeen family day, that was all Seungkwan had proposed. So how did it go so wrong? Despite Seungcheol and Jeonghan canceling to get some work done, it all seemed like a grand time: he and Vernon would get the snacks, Wonwoo and Minghao would set up the games, and they’d all get to test their skills with the super smash tournament that Soonyoung had been hounding them about.

Maybe it was just wrong day to have game night at Wonwoo’s place, the group collectedly decided a few hours past their initial fun. The volume on the television was well up to 30, and yet they could _still_ hear their neighbor’s through the wall. To others, such a thing would be a minor inconvenience. But to them…

“Could you pass the popcorn?” Vernon cleared his throat, a blush obvious on his cheeks as he reached out for the bowl. Seungkwan handed it to him quickly, avoiding eye contact with each other as their hands touched.

_Oh fuck, S-Seungcheol…!_

Everyone’s eyes went wide at the words, most of the boys choosing to simply stare at the loading screen very intently. The words rung out clear as day against the thin walls, and each cry only made the group redder still. Sure, they’d always known Jeonghan and Seungcheol were close, but they never knew they were _this_ close.

_Oh god, oh fuck…!_

Finally the game started again, loud enough to drown out some of the lewd moans coming from next door. Or loud enough for most of the boys to pretend they weren’t hearing it, at least.

All of them, that is, except for Seokmin and Soonyoung, with their ears pressed up right against the shared wall and a grin on both their faces.

“Oh my God, they’re really going at it…” Seokmin remarked as he tried to hide his immature laughter, pressing up closer in an attempt to decipher the noise. “That definitely sounds like Seungcheol, right?”

“Totally,” Soonyoung chuckled in response, unabashed in his own curiosity. “You think they’re still “practicing” for their show?”

The question made a few of the other boys shyly laugh along, with the rest dead set on ignoring the two jokesters.

“Cut it out, guys,” Jihoon warned with a grumble. “Give them their privacy.”

_“S-Seungcheol!”_

“Privacy?” Soonyoung scoffed at the idea, gesturing to the wall. “They _clearly_ didn’t get the memo”

“Soonie-“

“I’m just saying, I’m not the one who decided to go at it like rabbits in _our_ complex,” He teased with a smile. “Though, I wouldn’t oppose, if you wanted to go upstairs and-“

“S-Soonyoung,” Jihoon’s stern voice faltered a little at the words, such a thought making him blush more than he already was. “Never."

“If you two are gonna do that, could you at least warn me?” Seokmin asked, scrunching up his nose. “Because as Ji’s neighbor, I really don’t wanna be around for, uh, _that_.”

The smaller’s face only got redder at such an accusation, letting out an incredulous scoff. “I assure you Seok, we will never, _ever_ , ever-“

“I’ll text you a heads up,” Soonyoung said nonchalantly, winking at his crush from across the room.

“So stupid…” Jihoon grumbled in defeat, scooting a little farther away from the two. “You wish, Soonyoung.”

“Who wouldn’t?” He snapped back with a grin, causing Seokmin to start laughing even harder.

“You guys are such a cute couple…” Seokmin purred out happily. The other boys were eager to chime in, happy to have a distraction from the cries next door. “Definitely suit each other well.” 

“W-we’re not a couple!” Jihoon defended with a growl, desperately looking to Soonyoung for backup.

Backup which never came, as Soonyoung happily basked in the feeling of being seen as Jihoon’s lover.

“I think you two look good together,” Chan chimed in, a bit preoccupied as he focused on beating Wonwoo in their smash finals.

“O-Oh my God…” Jihoon mumbled with a scowl, turning away from the boys.

“Already practicing to sound like Jeonghan, eh?” Seokmin teased, causing the smaller boy to nearly choke from his embarrassment. His face went completely flush. Not only by the teasing, but the thought of being under Soonyoung, moaning out like that…

Hearing those two go at it had certainly aroused something in him, along with reminding him just how long it’d been since he’d had someone in his own bed.

“Whatever,” He growled, getting up from his spot. “I’m already out of the competition, so I’m just gonna head home. I don’t think I need to hear them going at it more to get the point.”

“Jihoon, wait-“ Soonyoung started, only to be cut off by the sound of the door.

“You’re in hot water now, Soonie,” Seokmin teased, patting his friend on the back. “Go after him, yeah? I’ll keep you up to date on the Seungcheol / Jeonghan situation.”

Soonyoung gave a quick nod before dipping out as well, running up the stair just in time to catch Jihoon before entering his room.

“Ji, wait up!” He called out, slowing down once he was finally by the door. “I’m sorry, okay? I was just teasing, I didn’t mean to make you-“

Once again the older was cut off, this time by the feeling of Jihoon pulling him closer, kissing him with feverish haste. Pressed together, Soonyoung finally realized why Jihoon was running off, arousal evident as it rubbed against his thigh.

“Make it up to me, then,” He mumbled, fumbling with his keys before pulling the younger inside with him. “Hurry.”

* * *

“Oh my god,” Seokmin spoke to himself, eyes going wide. “Guys,oh my god.”

“Whatever Cheol and Han said, we don’t wanna know,” Vernon started preemptively, looking back at the screen instead.

“I mean, I _kinda_ wanna know,” Junhui said playfully. “Spill."

“Not Cheol and Jeonghan,” Seokmin clarified, holding up his phone for the group to read.

_New_ _Message From : Hosh_

_Seok_

_Consider this your heads up ;)_

* * *

“You guys ready for this?” Seungkwan asked excitedly, gesturing for everyone to huddle around the tv, waiting for the commercials to end during the first episode of _Destiny of the Heart_. “Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s part is supposed to come on soon!”

Admittedly, most of the boys had been barely paying attention to the show, much more interested in hounding the two starlets or binging on the copious movie snacks Seungkwan had brought.

“You guys are up?” Joshua perked up, scooting closer to Seungkwan to see the screen.

“It’s just our first scene,” Jeonghan added shyly, a bit nervous about how it would be perceived.

Seungcheol was quick to comfort him, though, giving his thigh a gentle squeeze before turning his attention to the screen. “He did great. Myself, on the other hand…just go easy on me, okay?”

“I’m sure you did great, Cheol,” Jihoon reassured, allowing himself to be possessively claimed by Soonyoung’s arm after his words. Totally predictable of the of the older, sure — but there was something charming about Soonyoung’s one-sided feud with Seungcheol. “I bet you looked quite handsome,” He added, grinning at the feeling of Soonyoung pulling him just a little closer. Yes, he could certainly get used to this.

“Oh? Thanks, Ji.”

“Hush guys, it’s on! Look!” Seokmin called out, pointing to the screen as they began exchanging lines. “Ah, you two look so cool on screen!”

The two boys leaned a bit closer together, smiling at the scenes playing out in front of them. It felt so long ago that they first started filming together. So much had happened since that first scene, and their relationship had changed so much that it made Seungcheol a bit sentimental.

“You were so nervous filming that scene,” Jeonghan whispered the recollection with a smile, letting his hand lace with the leader’s own. “I remember practicing with you for hours…”

“It was hard with my feelings, playing a boy who was so in love with you…”

“But I’m glad you did it,” Jeonghan added, biting his lip shyly. “You’re an amazing actor. So dedicated to those kiss scenes…”

The two started laughing silently to themselves, lost in their own little world as their friends supported their on-screen romance.

“You two have great chemistry,” Vernon spoke up, his eyes certainly never on the show.

“Totally, it’s really natural!” Seungkwan obliviously chimed in, turning to face them once it was back to commercial. “Was it hard for you two to uhh…get in character?” Vernon gave the boy a little nudge, begging him not to reveal all they’d heard a few nights prior.

“Definitely hard to play a couple~” Seokmin playfully added, this time getting a jab from Joshua.

But the couple were none the wiser with their antics, instead preoccupied with their own secrets as they eyed each other. No words shared between them, and yet they both knew the other’s question.

_Should we tell them?_

“About that…” Seungcheol started, looking to Jeonghan to make sure it was okay. “I suppose there’s something we need to tell you all about that…”

“Oh?” Wonwoo prompted, hoping nobody else would get the chance to ruin their announcement. “We’d love to know about it.”

Seungcheol gulped shyly, his hand resting on Jeonghan’s own as he tried to get the words out. “Jeonghan and I…it was so easy to act naturally in love because we…well…”

“We’re together,” Jeonghan finished with a hum, biting his lip in anticipation of their response.

“Wow…” Soonyoung started, trying not to make his smile too obvious. “What a…truly…shocking situation.”

“I’m so sorry for not telling you all earlier,” Seungcheol spoke up, looking around to the group of boys. “As leader, I know I should be setting a good example. It just happened so suddenly, and I didn’t know how you all would react to it… I’m sorry for jeopardizing our band, but Jeonghan is my only…I hope you can accept us.”

The sentiment made Jeonghan blush softly, burying his face against Seungcheol’s shoulder. “I love you…” He whispered out quietly, hoping his boyfriend was the only one who could hear it.

“Wow…and you didn’t tell us? I don’t know what to say to you two…” Seokmin started, slowly losing his composure in a fit of laughs. “How can we ever…heh….adjust to the thought of…heh….y-you two together?”

To stop the older from making things more obvious Joshua covered his mouth, giving him a gentle glare before turning his attention to the couple. “Obviously, we support you two no matter what. Your happiness means the world to all of us, guys.”

“And they’ve certainly been happy lately, hm…” Junhui added with a teasing laugh. “You make a beautiful couple.”

“What’s with…this atmosphere…?” Jeonghan finally dared to speak up, cocking a brow. “You knew already?” He spared a quick accusatory glance to Jihoon before looking away.

“Look, I wasn’t the one who told them,” He cleared, raising his hands in innocence.

“Then who…?” He started, eyes meeting Seungcheol’s in equal confusion.

“Well…” Soonyoung cleared his throat awkwardly. “You did, I guess.”

“What?” Jeonghan’s eyes went wide at the accusation. He’d barely even admitted his love for Seungcheol to _himself_ , much less to the entire group. “When?”

The remaining boys exchanged glances, as if trying to decide which out of them would have to tell them, and secretly hoping none of them would.

Suddenly, all their eyes shifted to Seokmin, who seemed more than alright with spilling the beans. “Last Friday, at the game tournament…”

Seungcheol furrowed his brows. “But we weren’t even at the game tournament last Friday.”

“Right, we were together…” Jeonghan started, all the pieces suddenly clicking together in his head as he remembered the passionate night of lovemaking that took place days prior. Howhe’d screamed Seungcheol’s name like they were the only people in this planet, all while Wonwoo lived right next door… “Oh my God.”

“Oh my God,” Seungcheol echoed, seemingly reaching the exact same conclusion at the exact same time.

“Sounded exactly like that,” Soonyoung teased before getting nudged harshly by his companion. “It’s fine, you two. We would have found out eventually, right?”

“Just like with Jihoon and Soonyoung,” Seokmin chimed in, making Jihoon turn pink.

“Jihoon and Soonyoung?” Seungcheol repeated in shock, looking towards his friend for confirmation. But seeing them cuddled up and turning pink was all he needed as confirmation.“We’ve certainly missed a lot of things around here lately, huh? I suppose we haven’t really been tuned in here.”

“You’ve been too tuned in with each other,” Junhui added with a grin. “Don’t worry hyungs, we’ll get you all caught up.”

Jeonghan nodded, curling up by his lover’s side now that he finally didn’t have to hold back. “Please do.”

Seokmin took such an invitation as his time to shine, scooting closer to the lovebirds as he retraced all the drama in the group. “Well of course, Jihoon and Soonyoung hookup like, every night now, I’m always having to stay over at Seungkwan’s place. But guess what? Seungkwan is always sneaking Hansol in the middle of the night like I don’t notice. Nothing scandalous either, they just cuddle for like, /hours/. Oh, and then obviously you two, and Wonwoo can’t even drown out the sound because Chan got cola on his gaming pc, and Junie…”

The couple gave each other a quick look as they cuddled closer together, breaking out contented smiles and Seokmin took the time to lay out their current events. To be in a room filled with all the friends who loved and accepted them left the two feeling whole for the first time in a while. Life with 11 best friends and the love of his life was certainly something Seungcheol could get used to.

* * *

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End Notes:

As a thanks to guys so much for reading I posted the last chapter a bit early! I hope it can wrap everything up with some justice :) If you liked this story and are looking for more Jeongcheol, I just posted another weekly story! It’s much darker, but if you’re interested do feel free to give it a try , it’ll update every week just like this one ♡ [Click to check out Yuhyeol here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649147/chapters/72895551)


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